MY DREAM ; Pace U- Business Administration/ Photography/ Travel

I am always dreaming. I have set a high standard for myself. When I enter college, I plan to maintain an average of at least a ninety-five. My dream is to attend Pace University and study business administration. While studying, I will have time to do what i love the most, photography. I expect to see changes in the school system that would include better programs and teachers. I would be traveling all over the world. I would donate to those people who are starving or homeless. I would start a program where you can help the homeless or helpless get a job and a place to stay. I would give speeches at high school encouraging children to do the best they can to make the best of their life.

I wish to learn how to play the violin, guitar and the accordion. These are what makes peaceful and beautiful music.I plan to write several books. I feel it will be very interesting

In my school children discriminate and sometimes it breaks me but I don't let that get in the way of my dreams and goal. i won't let words against me be an obstacle. It is my motivation. My dreams may be shattered because of my financial situation. Millions of students will be applying for scholarships, I hope to be that one in a million.

Have a better intro and begin your sentences differently instead of using (I would).

I am always dreaming. I have always set a high standard for myself and big dreams for my future . Upon entering Pace University and studying buisness administration , I plan to maintain an average of at least a ninety-five. My dream is to attend Pace University and study business administration .

I agree with Aniece about using "would", I feel like it doesn't give enough to convince that you want to do those things. Also, I feel some of your sentences/ideas do not flow together; many of your thoughts are all over the place.