I Have a dream. UGRAD Essay for a question "Why Would you be a great participant?"

This is a ugrad essay for a question "Why Would you be a great participant?". Regardless of Grammatical and spelling mistakes which will be revised before submitting. I don't have idea about scholarship essays, I don't know how it works and I have NO EXPERIENCE In writing Scholarship essays. I kindly Need your help and your revision and any suggestions or edits WILL BE WELCOMED. I also wrote 704 words and the maximum words required is 600 so what is the best part to be deleted in your opinions?

I have a dream

This isn't Martin Luther King writing this essay, but this is a writer who is influenced by Luther King's character and his insistence to achieve his dream. As Luther king had a dream and he did his best using every single skill to achieve it, I have a dream which is attached significantly to this scholarship and I'll do my best using every single skill I've and every chance the scholarship offers me to achieve it. For me there is no a GREAT or perfect participant but the participant who seeks for perfection, and this one is who will take advantage of the benefits and won't waste any single moment without making it a step towards his dream. And also who have the skills that enable and qualify him to live and benefits from participating in the scholarship.

As a stubborn personality, raising in a conservative society such is the Egyptian one which doesn't give women the appreciation they deserve and considers them as a followers for men and looks for them an inferiority look as opposed to men, all those issues grow in me the decision to set "breaking this stereotype about women" as a DREAM that I will achieve. I accepted the challenge to prove to the society that women isn't a follower and she is strong enough to be independent. And since studying abroad for a whole semester without anyone of my family while I'm undergraduate will be a conclusive evidence about women's ability to independence and self-reliance, I applied for UGRAD and this will be a great motive for me to be a good participant.

In addition to be the best chance for me to win my challenge, UGRAD is also the best environment to achieve my goal to study political science. Because as a Journalism student who aims to specialize in political journalism after graduating, studying political science is a must to improve my qualifications. And USA is the best place to study politics because of its political history which is rich of the democracy successes.

My desire to work in political field comes after the Egyptian revolution in 2011, I discovered my passion for politics during the revolution as I was following up every update happens and I was interested in reading political analysis for those updates. At this point, the desire to study political science generated in me. But for a reason or another I failed to join the faculty of Political Science and I wasn't able to study it as a major, so I decided to study Journalism and specialize in political Journalism so I'll be able to work in the field I dreamt for. Therefore, the chance to study political science in this scholarship won't only help me in my career, but also it's my passion, and this will be a big motivation for me to appreciate the chance that is given to me and be a great participant.

Since I'm interested in knowing different cultures and dealing with people from various races as it improves my personality, and I had an experience in dealing with people own different backgrounds, beliefs and mentalities as I was working in a liberal association and this learnt me how to deal with different ideologies in my country which includes Islamists and Communists which are so far from my own beliefs, this qualifies me to be a great participant in this program that includes people from all over the world will live and share moments with each others.

As a good learner who learnt how to learn in "learning how to learn" Course from UC San Diego through a MOOC, So I will be able to learn a lot of things in and out the academic sessions during the one semester I will take in the USA, and by learning about the new places I'll see and the new cultures I'll know about, and by participating in extracurricular and volunteering in the fields I Interest such as women empowerment to convey the experience to me home country. All those things will make me take advantages from the program to the maximum extent and will make me close to be a great participant in the UGRAD.

... writing this essay, but this isa writer who is influenced by Luther King's character and his insistence to ...
I see a lot of wordiness errors. You can still reduce the redundant words and further describe about your legit dream, not just about King's

Aya, your response to the question is not appropriate for the question posed. The Martin Luther King Jr. reference is impressive but doesn't really work in terms of explaining why you will be a good participant in the UGrad program. Focus your response on what you can accomplish within one year or semester as a member of an international group of students, specifically chosen to help enhance a learning environment in the United States.

Why would you be a good participant? I suggest that you look into the mission, objectives, and expectations of the UGrad program in terms of their participants. You wrote a personal statement that does not really explain how you can excel in the program. A serious UGrad participant is more interested in an open type of learning community where the student looks forward to a cultural exchange program covering a year long learning process among international students in an American educational setting.

This could include further enhancing your English language skills in relation to your chosen degree because you will be immersed in the American English speaking communities and environment. You could even mention that you are hoping to use this experience as a reference for a Fulbright scholarship in the future. You just need to focus your response on the relevant information to the program in order to better respond to the question.

@Holt Rose, Thanks a million for your help and your appreciated advice.

Firstly I found your suggestions and your advice a very useful one and you convinced me but I want to clarify my point of view in the essay may you'll see a point in it that I may keep one of them in the new essay if it worth.

I divided the essay for two parts, the first part was about my motives to apply for UGRAD which are my dreams (that are related to the scholarship) and it will be a motivation for me to be a good participant. And I showed in them what I can accomplish there (achieving Independence and self-reliance In the first dream and studying political science which USA is a good place for it). I also showed a good qualities of mine that are similar to Martin Luther King's qualities and that was the reason why I used him as a reference.

The second part was about my skills that qualify me to be a good participant because of my skills in dealing with people from different cultures, mentalities and back grounds and my interesting in knowing about new cultures and my passion in learning new things and participate in community activities.

I'm looking forward to seeing your advice, greetings.

You are not being asked for your motivations for applying to UGrad. So you do not need to present that information. Neither is the part referring to Martin Luther relevant. You can however, retain the part about what you hope to accomplish there. It just might tie in with what makes you a good participant / candidate for the program. However, a specific focus on political science may not be appreciated. So keep it in general terms of learning. Learn from all the academic and social immersion experiences. Don't concentrate on a particular learning. The perfect candidate will have a well rounded personality and interest in learning.

As you can see from the prompt that you were provided, the extra information you presented was not being asked for. What you have to understand is that the reviewer does not have all the time in the world to read your essay. You are not the only applicant he has to review in a day and he is not reviewing only a handful of applications. He is reviewing hundreds of applicants per day, thousands per week and month. So he will only have enough time to scan your essay for the keywords that pertain to the prompt requirements and note them. If he does not see the information he is looking for within the first paragraph of your essay, you can bet that he will not finish reading your application essay.

The best written essays are the ones that only provide the information required. It becomes well developed and short, which means that the reviewer will finish reading your application and consider all of the "relevant" information that you provided. Any additional information that is not required by the reviewer will not help your application in any way since it will not be part of the final consideration. So keep it short, relevant, and informative in the manner dictated by the prompt. That is the only way you can be sure that your application will receive the appropriate consideration it deserves.