Education is as an investment. Personal statement for a Scholarship

I am applying for the Scholarship, so please help me to edit it. Thank you in advance

"Please write a short paragraph of no more than 250 words stating why you wish to be considered for a Scholarship"

I will follow my own path

Education is as an investment; and my diligence, determination, and enthusiasm for it led me to the XXX University, an institution which excels in the field of XXX Engineering. Moreover, I am confident that it can develop my professional competencies to a point where I am able to successfully cross-pollinate ideas, concepts and practices across the petroleum industry.

With my academic background and experience in the field, I am confident that I am eligible to be considered for a Scholarship. Hard-work and determination which I invested in my studies coupled with strong technical skills, team working and leadership skills proves my willingness to learn and be current in my field of science and develop myself.

I am aware that university education is a huge expense that my parents are unable to afford as it will be twice as expensive for my parents since my younger brother will soon be graduating from high school. Therefore, I am trying my best to earn my way through college. I won a government scholarship to do my Bachelor's degree which covered my tuition fees, and I am quite aware of the responsibilities which comes with such a benevolence. Furthermore, I consider the Scholarship as an excellent opportunity for me to maintain my career progression and continue to acquire cutting edge research experience.

If I am chosen for a Scholarship, I will continue to apply the same diligence and enthusiasm to my studies and maintain the same level of academic excellence I had during my undergraduate studies and engage in research initiatives.

Arsenij, I am of the opinion that this essay cannot help your scholarship application. It is weak and does not really sell you as a model student who has the ability to deliver the expectations of a scholarship program. A strong scholarship application essay focuses on delivering your strong points as both a student and as a person to the reviewer. I believe that it would be best if you just write a new essay that focuses on your academic and personal strengths. The academic strengths must be presented in the form of the awards and recognition that you received during your previous academic undertaking. If you can mention being a Dean's Lister, a previous scholar for a different scholarship, an impressive GPA, and other related elements then your academic claims for the scholarship will be better. If you can present information about how you are a civic minded individual who knows that being a scholar also means being helpful to others as you represent the scholarship in your university, that should work to further strengthen your application as well. Right now, this essay is too vague and presents reasons that you require the scholarship that will not really impress the reviewer. Your reasons are the same as the other scholars. So rather than using obvious reasons, try to sell the reviewer on the idea that you are a person whose academic and socio-civic inclinations are best aligned with the mission objectives of the scholarship program you are applying to. Sell your strengths as the main reason that you feel you should be considered for the scholarship. If possible, explain that you deserve the scholarship because of your future plans as a member of the petroleum industry and explain how you plan to make that happen upon your graduation or through your research, which can be applied directly in your profession once you become a professional in that field. Don't use this generic essay. It does not have any content that will help to make your application memorable to the scholarship reviewer.