Educational Achievements: review for a masters scholarship

My education, experience, and accomplishments till date are in alignment with my vision as I have a strong background academically and professionally. I was among the top 2% of the students in high school and under-graduation and one of the nine candidates selected by Radio Salus from 100+ candidates. I was also recognized as the "Trainee of the Year" and "Best Team Player" during my tenure. My love for journalism sprouted during my earliest days of secondary school and developed as I entered the University of Rwanda. There I attended the School of Journalism and Communication and it is here where I shadowed professional journalists and broadcasters from the University Radio Salus.

Over the last 3 years I have been fortunate enough to have worked fully as an editorial assistant in the newsroom of Radio Isango Star. This hands on experience has helped me to obtain an insight into the real world of journalism. Whilst there I shadowed a professional journalists and got to proofread stories, gather information, meet industry specialists and be involved in a wide range of stories. While creating layouts with the front page editor of umuseke news website and producing newscasts with Radio Isango Star, I realized journalism is my form of expression and contribution to society.

At City University London, I will pursue a career in international journalism and media. The core curriculum at City University targets digital journalism, the foundation of my dream. If admitted, I hope to attend City University's international journalism program in London, England to further my education and experience. To enhance my global knowledge, I plan to double major in international studies.

I am confident that my leadership and teamwork abilities and analytical and managerial capabilities, combined with the unique education that UK Universities have to offer, will give me the opportunity to become a professional journalist and a successful leader. In addition, I believe my decision to pursue the postgraduate program would meet my long-term career goals and the knowledge, skills and experiences gained through such a program would bring newer insights in my professional potential, personal outlook on life and society.

I have some notes for you regarding how to strengthen your essay. You need to add certain information and also clarify some points.The essay has problems regarding content and theme that you need to fix before we can address the grammar and sentence structure issues that also exist.


- Mention what the Radio Salus Competition was about and why it is relevant to your academic achievement. There is nothing in your introductory statement that presents your early interest in Journalism. If you were a part of the school paper or yearbook team, you should mention it here. So far, all of the information you mentioned does not connect in any way to the fact that you were admitted to the University of Rwanda as a Journalism student.


- Did you have any notable internships in college? Relevant volunteer experience? Mention it. Segue those bits of information into your editorial assistant position at Radio Isango Star.


- Share your purpose for enrolling in Digital Media specifically. Why that media? What makes it of particular interest to you? How do you hope City University can help you achieve those plans and goals? Don't talk about your double major if you are writing this paper specifically for the Journalism department.


-You made no mention of any samples of your leadership and teamwork abilities. If you are targeting a scholarship, you need to make mention of any and all abilities that can help enhance your application.

Truthfully, this sounds more like a college application essay rather than a scholarship application. Do you have any specific prompts from the scholarship foundation that can guide you in writing your paper? Perhaps something along the lines of what they expect from your as a scholar or what they are looking for in a scholar and how you plan to embody those ideals? Right now, this is more of a personal application essay to college than anything else. So we may need to revise the whole content based upon the prompt of the scholarship.

Thank you. I'll correct that. but with 300 words it's a bit hard. Thx indeed