English language course application essay BS Computer Science

i dream about studying in the USA

My essay:
Just because of my English language course participation which was funded by the USA, I loved the study style of USA. But my family couldn't afford the high expenses of the study in the USA. My name is -------------, a BS Computer Science (3rd semester) student.

I used the computer for the first time when I was in 3rd class. I got attached to it. By the time the computer was changing. I started studying the computer. Now it's more than a hobby for me, just like a great passion of mine. My interest got developed with it. Most of the time of my life of 21 years spent in study. Being a student of the computer I often saw my self-involved with technology trying to learn new about it from different resources. I always loved the idea of being the best in my class and even in my home among my siblings.

I am the first from my family who has reached to the university to study. As the USA is most popular now for international students, and it has the world's finest university system so I wish to study from the USA even for one semester. It will also be beneficial for my academic record as there is a chance to be involved in researches. Meeting new people will boost up and broaden my knowledge. It is also a way to introduce Pakistan's tradition with the people of USA through the help of USEFP.

There are so many grammatical errors and sentence structure is incorrect especially second paragraph on wards.
I loved the study style of USA here explain the style and what has attracted you the most .
I would recommend you to write an effective essay as this is quite generic and not convincing enough .

What about this??

After the completion of my O-Level, I was unable to study further because of the unaffordable expenses of the college. My mother encouraged me to study further and promised me that she would try her best to fulfill my dream of studying Computer Science.

I started studying in the local government college in my city. I started studying Computer as the main subject as my interest was hidden in the Computer. Being the best in Computer among my schoolmates, I decided to study Computer at my best. I used the computer for the first time when I was in 3rd class. I got engaged with programming after joining college. I started learning to Programme through the internet besides my teacher.

Just because of my English language course participation (English Access Microscholorship program 2011-2013) which was funded by the USA, I loved the study style of USA.

I am the first from ...