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Extracurricular Activity Essay for CommApp- Scholars' Bowl



partooz 5 / 13  
Nov 30, 2008   #1
This is the 150 word essay for extracurricular activities. I was hoping if you could help me with the grammar and the rhetorical aspects. Thank You.

The Scholars Bowl TV Tournament began with worry and ended with a surprise. It was the final question, tension was high, and the scores were tied.

Let's get this question, I believed. Let's get this win!

The blonde haired moderator began with the final question as the crowd quieted, "p equals m times v"..."m equals mass"..."v equals velocity"...then finally, with a moment's pause, "...p symbolizes what equation?" I buzzed in uncontrollably, only to discover the moderator's questionable glare.

"Momentum?"
"Correct!"
My team's stoic attitude was immediately overwhelmed with pure exultation, and I was immediately recognized by the most epic buzz in quiz bowl history. In just that one experience, my team and I learned to believe in our own capabilities and perhaps the secret of luck. As we left the room with gleeful smiles, we later won match after match until we finally earned the Tennessee State Semi-Finals trophy.

EF_Kevin 8 / 13052  
Dec 1, 2008   #2
"Let's get this question", I thought.

My team's stoic attitude was immediately replaced by pure exultation, and I was immediately recognized asas having the most epic buzz in quiz bowl history.

In the last paragraph, you mention the 'secret of luck' and left out any mention of studying, was that on purpose? :)


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