my argumentative essay.
Junk food is the term for a kind of food that people eat from a restaurant where food is prepared and served quickly. There are many kinds of junk food that we can find it easily such as hamburger, french fries, instant noodle, etc. Many people believe that junk food is food has a good taste and the cheap price that has so many benefits. It is fast and easy to eat food which makes you satisfy. I strongly disagree with it. Junk food is not good for people's health because of low nutrient and negative effects. Therefore, junk food should be banned for the following reasons : junk food leads to many weights and health related problems, makes people addiction and trigger mental disorders.
First of all, junk food leads to many weight and health related problems. For example, cardiovascular disease, high blood pressure, type two diabetes, and chronic health conditions are only some of the diseases they can get from eating junk food. In addition, the level of obesity is rising rapidly among kids and adolescents. According to researchers at Harvard university, "by the year 2050, the rate of obesity in the U.S. for kids is expected to reach 42%". This shows that in the future, junk foods reduce the quality of food and provide unhealthy choices especially among children and adolescents raising their risk of obesity. So, junk food can be so destructive towards people well-being and makes people overweight.
Secondly, junk food make people addiction which contains sugar and fat high that makes people's desire to eat it again. Consuming junk food such as french fries or burger can make a person constantly wants to consuming it. Some of the factors that make junk food is very appetizing is artificial sweeteners and food dyes. When artificial sweeteners and food dyes continuously go into their body, of course the effect will be very harmful for the body and your health. According to junior scholastic, "when fat-filled snacks melt quickly, your brain doesn't receive a message about the calories, so you just keep on eating". This result make people more desire of junk food and sweets. To sum up, consuming junk food once a week or more, they can addict to it.
Finally, junk food trigger mental disorders such as depression and alzheimer's. Mental disorders can also arise because of too "maniac" consuming junk food. According to a recent study headed by scientists from the university of Granada, eating junk food (hamburgers, hotdogs and pizza) is linked to depression. Besides, the content in junk food such as salt, processed meats, nitrates, and MSG can increasing hormonal especially in teenagers become depression. The content can also give effect become quickly forgotten or disorder in memory like Alzheimer. Consequently, now not only adults who have had problems in his memory, however also a lot of young children who become quickly forgotten because they are very fond of consuming junk food every day. In short, consuming junk food can cause a deficiency of important nutrients in the body, which increases many people suffer from depression and problem with they memory.
In conclusion, I strongly agree that junk food should be banned. Junk foods leads to overweight and can have health problem. Junk food contains many ingredients that can make people become addicted. By consuming junk food once a week or more, they can addict to it. The effect of people who have become addicted make it into a maniac with junk food is called mental disorders. Consuming junk food everyday you can get problem with your memory that can make you become quickly forgotten. I suggest to many people do not consuming junk food. For those who frequently consume junk food try to reduce the consumption of junk food if you don't want to overweight and obesity. Parents should monitor every nutrients in your kid food. Keep it away your kid from harmful food such as junk food.
Hi Sharahma, your essay actually Adequately good, but you should learn deeply about linking word or word connection to arrage your writing well. despite, it will be better if you learn about some words are prohibitted in formal writing namely FANBOYS (For, And, Nor, But, Or, Yet, So). In addtion, you have to pay attention with not clear word like, ETC. the last, please use varietief word, you dont merely use "junk food" may be you can replace by other words or personal pronoun. Here some error that i found in your writing.
There are many kinds of junk food that we can find it easily such as hamburger, french fries, instant noodle, etc .
Junk food is not good for people's health because of low nutrient and negative effects. Therefore, junk food should be banned for the following reasons : junk food leads to many weights and health related problems, makes people addiction and trigger mental disorders.
First of all, junk food leads to many weight and health related problems.
... the rate of obesity in the U.S. for kids is expected to reach 42%".
So , junk food can be so destructive towards people well-being and makes people overweight.
So the content of your essay is rather good. I like how you establish your reasons for why junk food can be detrimental to the health of people. However, you need to be careful of using passive grammar as well as correcting your singular/plural words. In addition, I think that you should change the last sentence to something more powerful. Remember, the last sentence is the final takeaway that the reader will have, thus you want to conclude this essay in a complementing way rather than a deprecating one.
Sharah, the food served fast in restaurants are not called junk food, the proper term is fast food. The history of the term coming from the fact that the restaurant serves the food to is clients in a factory line manner, which speeds up the serving process. Hence "fast" food. While these restaurants do not serve the healthiest foods, they are not ranked in the same category as "junk food" since "junk" food contain no nutrients and do not really serve to energize the body when eaten.
Please make sure to use the correct term for the corresponding description in your essay. Using the wrong term could result in demerits in your final score. Junk foods are normally the prepackaged foil packs of potato chips and the like that are sold in supermarket. Please make sure to change the term you are using from "junk" to "fast" food if youa re referring to the food sold in restaurants like McDonald's, Wendy's, Burger King, Pizza Hut, etc. Any restaurant that serves food similar to those I mentioned do not serve "junk" even though some nutrition experts would like to describe the food they serve that way.
I would also like to point out a glaring problem with your essay. You have failed to properly format and use the in-text citations for the references that you mention. You need to mention the author, source of publication, and finally, the title of the work within the text, depending upon the writing format that the professor is asking you to use. Are you writing in MLA, APA, Chicago, Turabian, or any other type of research format? Kindly refer to the Purdue website for the proper citation formatting of your essay. Most professors and teachers really deduct points for improperly formatted citations so you have to make sure you fix those. Otherwise, your professor could accuse you of plagiarism to a certain degree.
The overall content of the essay is good. It just needs to correct a number of points in order to gain academic credibility as an essay. I hope you can address the issues I pointed out. Those are the parts that really carry a lot of weight in the final grading.
Sharah, as I read through your essay, I can't really say it's strong but it's not that weak either. Yes, you did respond to what was asked for you to right about, you have your facts, figures and your opinion, however, the construction, the flow and the mainstream of your idea is not put altogether. Your essay is written well and all you have to do is go through the first 4 paragraphs with the help EF contributors so that you will come up with a stronger essay.
thank you Justivy for your time to correct my conclusion. actually, I was not sure with my conclusions.
I want to ask about my subject. better to use "you" or "they" ?
Sharah, it's better to use first person on your subject, so "you" is the better one, I mean that's just my suggestion.
Are you still re-writing your essay?, as soon as you finish post it here on EF so we can assist you further.
Sharah, if you can also curate your paragraphs into 4 paragraphs only, your sectioning of the paragraphs are quiet short and it will help the
overall presentation of the essay is they will see only a few paragraphs and not a lot like the one you have.
Let's say, make it the 1st, 2nd,3rd and final paragraph. On the final paragraph, try to inject your own opinion, remember to be very objective though, on the subject in order to give the essay a personal touch and bring it to life.
I wish to see the revised essay soon, good luck!!!
