Financial Statement for Scholarship - Finishing Studies

With the aim to accomplish my chief goals that I had since I was a very young man, I'm searching better studies opportunities that can assure me and my family that I would be a successful man and get closer to my targets. In this case, my long-term goal is to complete my undergraduate degree in Mechanical Engineering.

Mechanical Engineering Degree

In order to achieve my objectives, I have consistently strived and dedicated myself to earn good grades and having an excellent academic record during my studies in Venezuela in Mechanical Technics.

And also, since I started in the College of DuPage where I have taken challenging courses.
All this experiences may have given me motivation, knowledge of my current field and an attention to detail. As well as maturity, emotional stability and the ability to face challenges.

I make my family very proud for being a serious and determined man, that is why they have worked as hard as possible to support me with the dream of finishing my studies in this country since I am first child to attend college and that makes me a role model for my siblings. Nevertheless, exchange control policies in my country Venezuela doesn't allow them to buy as much currency as I need to pay for my college.

I worked before coming to the United States to help my family to save money for my studies. Since then, my parents have been supporting me and my siblings working as Teachers in a locas school. We saved what we could, but it is hard to have enough savings to pay for my college education.

The exchange control policies have changed since I started my studies and it is more difficult every time, not only to change the currency, also to pay it due to inflation in Venezuela.

This experiences have taught me to overcome obstacles and face challenges. It has also motivated me to continue my education and given me a clear vision of my future.

Thank you for considering my application. I look forward to discussing my opportunities with you.

Nicole, It is essential that you include the exact prompt of your essay in your post so that it will receive the necessary constructive review. Right now, it is difficult to advise you on your current draft with respect to the requirements of your essay. However, on a general note, your essay did not tell the reviewer about your financial need in clear terms. Your opening statement discusses your long-term goal which is not necessary in this essay, except the prompt says otherwise. You should tell the reviewer what constitute your financial need and the efforts you have put-in to help yourself and what difference the scholarship would make for you if you are successful. I suggest that you build a thesis statement in your opening paragraph telling the reviewer how exchange control policy has affected your ability to complete your studies. Describe the situation and tell the reviewer what you have done to surmount the challenge and the limit to your efforts and what difference the scholarship would make for you. Also, write in paragraphs. Your current draft is not properly paragraphed as the supposedly paragraphs do not match the criteria. A paragraph must contain at least three sentences.