formal letter for applying phd position - show me the mistakes

Dear Professor XXX

I am currently a research member in Membrane research centre at XXX University. I am writing to inquire about the possibility of a PhD position under your direct supervision about the experimental and mathematical modelling of the transport behaviour of the contaminant in nano-porous structure of polymeric membranes used in water purification.

I received my M.Sc. of Soil mechanics and foundation engineering from department of Civil and Environmental Engineering of XXX University in 2008. During my studies, I became very interested in research on environmental issues, especially water/wastewater treatment. Once I completed my M.Sc. degree, I jointed Prof. XXX's Membrane research centre at XXX University. The main focus of my research has been the fabrication and modification of polymeric nanofiltration and nano-composite membranes resulted in the publication of some attached papers. One of the most important issues in membrane-based water treatment processes is fouling. In membrane processes, fouling takes place as the restriction of the mass transport throughout the membrane, at outside and inside the membrane, during the filtration. The motional behaviour of the nanoparticle contaminants in the porous structure of the membrane has the considerable effects on the inside fouling, and this subject has a great potential to experimentally and mathematically to research.

Based on your comprehensive experiences about the transport of nanoparticles in porous media, I am really eager to gain more valuable research experiences, to deepen my knowledge, and to develop the mechanism of contaminant transport in aquatic media throughout membrane structure by pursuing my education. It would be so much appreciated, if I am qualified, to give me an opportunity to be a part of your research group and to be a PhD student under your supervision.

Enclosed are copies of my CV and recommendation letter as well as the first page of my papers. Thank you very much for considering my application.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours sincerely,
XXX

Once I completed my M.Sc. degree, I joined Prof. XXX's Membrane research centre at XXX University.

The main focus of my research has been the fabrication and modification of polymeric nanofiltration and the nano-composite membranes resulted in the publication of some attached papers.

In membrane processes, fouling takes place as the restriction of the mass transports throughout the membrane, at outside and inside the membrane, during the filtration.

The motional behaviour of the nanoparticle contaminants in the porous structure of the membrane havethe considerable effects on the inside fouling, and this subject has a great potential to experimentally and mathematically do research.

It would be so much appreciated, if I am qualified, if you give me an opportunity to be a part of your research group and to be a PhD student under your supervision.

Enclosed are copies of my CV and recommendation letter, as well as the first page of my papers.

:)