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France: Where would you go in your flying house?



cbsmallville 4 / 9  
May 13, 2010   #1
Where would you go in your flying house?
J'aimerais aller en France


I need help with my essay, i want someone to review it and tell me what they think. this scholarship is actually do tonight at 12 am. thanks

A day in France is walking the streets of Paris, smelling the fresh scent of croissant and coffee.
Later having dinner at a small restaurant then to the Eiffel tower for

Of the many places in the world that I am interested in, I would love to go to France; it's the ideal country to visit. The way it's portrayed in movies, television, and even in pictures makes it more attractive to me. I admire its unique beauty; I remember the day when I was coming to the United States and instead of going straight to the U.S airport, we made a pit stop at the airport of France. As I wanted to get out of the airport and take a walk into the city; my father told me that I couldn't leave the airport because our plane could come at any moment. With nothing else to do; all I could do was take a glance at the beautiful buildings and the fashionable people. After leaving the airport, I promised myself that one day I would visit France and actually explore its breath taking sights. France's beautiful buildings and many of its attractions, its culture, history and of course its delicious food make France more fascinating to me.

France has everything that you could ever want to see, a great city like Paris, the wonderful monuments, the beaches, the lovely natures and the incredible sceneries. What more can you ask for? Of all the destinations in France I would love to spend all day walking through the streets of Paris, the city of lights to visit the museums and take pictures of each and every monument. The one that I would particularly love to see is the Maison Carree, its history is intriguing. It's said that Marcus Agrippa, the man who commissioned the building dedicated it to his two boys, Lucius and Gaius Ceaser who were officially adopted as a part of an effort to promote a new imperial cult. And how could I forget the Eiffel tower, one of the most beautiful and tallest structures in the world. I wonder how long it is going to take me to climb all 1652 stairs; I bet I will not make, I'll just have to take the elevator.

The French cuisine is rare and extraordinarily fine and famous worldwide. Although many countries take it as a model in many culinary schools, none of them can quite perfect it because it's difficult to master its technique. Every part of France has its own and not so typical ingredients and ways of cooking their foods; whether it's the scrumptious desserts or the creamy sauces and I am sure there are many more delicious dishes, I would love to try them all. The only food that I have ever tried that originates from France was crepe and believe me when I say it was delicious, but I know it would be better try one from France itself.

I really love France's music and its language. I speak French myself but I have forgotten some words and would love to fluently speak it again in the country where it initiated from. The music is beautiful and has a very catchy tune; it has a variety of every culture such as Africa, Asia, Latin America and many more. I think it's pretty cool that it's diverse and that everyone may relate to it. I would love to listen to the French opera while sitting in my room in France and just take it all in

It would be so exciting to go to France and to see all the wonderful places, to grasp in the beauty of its cities, to surrender to the fragrances of the French cuisines and admire its history. I think France is a great country and until that day comes for me to go to France; I'll just have to keep dreaming of what it would be like.

newsha31 19 / 73  
May 14, 2010   #2
I thought it was pretty good. I mean, you explained everything pretty well. I just thought you repeated yourself a little bit too much. Also where you talked about speaking french, it would be nice if you say where you learned french, because for one moment I had the confusion that you were born in france :)

Best of luck.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13052  
May 15, 2010   #3
...we made a stop at an airport in France.

I would use a colon here:
France has everything that you could ever want to see: a great city like Paris, the wonderful...

I think you already turned this in because the deadline has passed! I hope it is a success! I think it will be because it is very nicely written.

If the prompt involves a flying house, though, I think the flying house should be mentioned in the essay. :-)
OP cbsmallville 4 / 9  
May 26, 2010   #4
yes I have turned it in, and I got the chance to revise it again. thank you


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