"Why furthering your education is important to you" - scholarship

I am trying to be awarded a scholarship for college please help

A Scholarship is a gift awarded to a suitable and worthy person. But why should the recipient be the only one that receives a gift. My future aspirations are to earn a bachelors degree for Mathematics education. This is extremely important to me because my community is important to me as well. If awarded this scholarship it will allow me to fulfill my aspirations. By doing such this scholarship will literally be the gift that keeps on giving. When I obtain my degree I will be able to aid and teach the young minds not only of our community but of our future as well. To me a good education is among one of the most important things in our lives. Educations save lives, build homes, create new and amazing wonders, and so much more. Math is everywhere around us, we use Math to drive to school by calculating our gas mileage or even in the grocery store while stuck on a budget. It is so important to me to insure that all the applications of math can continue to grow and strive and I have faith that the children of today have the potential to achieve the unthinkable. Almost every discovery and technological advance would not have taken place if math was no incorporated into our lives. I want to be the one that gives this small gift back to the community and back to the world. I want to teach Mathematics the most versatile subject so that we can all be assured of a better tomorrow. In order to give this gift back to the community I must first ask for a gift my self by asking you to award me this scholarship so that with it we can hope that our community will do nothing but improve and flourish.

Greetings!

You have written a very persuasive essay! I have just a few editing suggestions:

"But why should the recipient be the only one that receives a gift." - This is a rhetorical question which does not really fit here. I would take it out; you do a better job of making this point elsewhere in the essay. In fact, I would move this part into its place (with a slight rewording):

"If awarded this scholarship, I can not only fulfill my own aspirations, but this scholarship will literally be the gift that keeps on giving." Then you can go on to talk about "My future aspirations..."

"Math is everywhere around us, we use Math ..." - A run-on sentence; instead of a comma, use a colon ("us: we use Math...") or just put a period and make it two sentences.

"the children of today have the potential to achieve the unthinkable. " - Generally, the term "unthinkable" refers to something which is so horrific it doesn't bear thinking about. How about saying "have the potential to achieve their dreams" or something to that effect?

Typo: "if math was not incorporated into our lives."

Add commas: "teach Mathematics, the most versatile subject, so that"

You ending will be stronger if you reword it like this: "In order to give this gift back to the community, I must first ask for a gift myself by asking you to award me this scholarship. With it, we can help our community improve and flourish."

Best of luck with your scholarship!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com