To gain more knowledge in the field of geology

Can anyone help me to correcting my essay. Is this strong enough to pass scholarship selection?

Question One: What skills and knowledge do you hope to gain from your proposed study? (max. 250 words)

Reaching a new level

My accomplishment of knowledge in the field of geology and laboratory skills is still restricted. Therefore, I am looking for an advanced level in such area to inspiring myself for new levels of thinking with one of the postgraduate qualifications. Furthermore, I have found out a lot of your institution research environment in details that match my proposed study, as well as to expand my research skills. These modern facilities that coupled with sophisticated tools and professional expertise teaching will provide me the opportunity to conduct the advanced investigation in the fieldwork and lab dedicated in different areas such as resource management, hydrogeology, coastal management, mineral exploration, petroleum exploration, engineering geology, natural hazards research and meteorology. I think this program is could be the best selective for me to build up my personal quality, my academic research competence and professional career for further intensified of geological field and laboratory research. In addition, this program aligned me to strengthen different soft skills, which are very important for my future success such as communication skill through presentations, discussion, working in a multiple culture with enormous students coming from different qualifications, different experiences and numerous cultures. Based on the direct supervising and guidance of the expert that empower in Master Program at the University of Auckland will absolutely enabling me to deepen and expand my understanding in the field of geology successfully in progress.

1 at a time.

Dear Aleixo,
Please correct the followings:
1) Structure: please re-arrange your writing with clear answers (reason 1 => explain + example then reason 1 => explain + example...) and use firstly, secondly to make it clear and straight to the point)

2) Grammar & vocabulary:
... area to inspiring inspire myself for ...
as well as to expand expanding my research skills (as well as something/someone/or Verb-ing).
I think this program is could be the best selective for me to build up my personal quality, my academic research ... for further intensified of geological field ... (Please use 1 verb for one sentence (is could cannot be used together, and correct the wrong forms of words).

multiple culture (multiple + plural nouns)
Based on ... Auckland will absolutely enabling me to deepen ... of geology successfully in progress. (will + verb) (use too many words here).

Best wishes

Aleixo, the essay that you wrote does not correspond to the expected response. The question is asking you to describe your familiarity with the program that you hope to enroll in at the university. The reviewer needs to see evidence of proper academic considerations based on your background and its relation to the new course you are interested in studying. So the format for this paper should be:

Par 1: Introduce your background in the field.
Par. 2 Describe the problems you are having in certain sectors of your profession.
Par. 3: Indicate what specific problem you hope to address with your higher studies
Par. 4: Discuss specific programs related to this problem you hope to address (Actual response to what you hope to gain from the program of study)

Par. 5: In conclusion, present your understanding of how your previous academic and professional background will be enhanced by the addition of these advanced academic teachings that in turn, can help to create a heightened and more advanced professional setting for you upon your return.