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"to give students a similar opportunity" - What would this scholarship mean to you?



jamileigh 2 / 2  
Feb 26, 2011   #1
With the Harrison McCain Scholarship/Bursary, I will graduate from Acadia University with a Bachelor of Science and pursue a career that I love doing. I want to wake up every morning and know I'm going to do something that will change the world for the better.

Hi, I am Jami Cock and the Harrison McCain Scholarship/Bursary would take me one step closer to living my dream by helping me further my education. With this scholarship I will be able to focus better on my studies rather then how I am going to pay for them. In this generation today, secondary education is very expensive; however, I believe that money is well spent when it is going towards educating myself because I know I can never acquire too much knowledge.

To receive this scholarship would be such an honor to me. It would be the perfect award for all the hard work I have put into my high school education. I would feel a great amount of confidence knowing that I was chosen to receive such a significant reward.

I believe that I would be the perfect candidate for this scholarship because I have a great work ethic and will continue to work hard through all my years at Acadia. You would be proud to fund a student like me and I would be honored to make you proud.

I would like to thank the Harrison McCain Foundation for providing an opportunity such as this to Acadia students. In the future, I too would like to give students a similar opportunity to fund their education.

alaba2812 2 / 6  
Feb 26, 2011   #2
jamileigh
I suggest that, wherever you have used ''would'' should be corrected to will, because 'will' is used with promises or voluntary actions that take place in the future and also to make predictions about the future. Using the past of the modal verb makes the whole essay awkward. Then I guess you should also rephrase part of your sentence to make it more formal. :)


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