GLOBAL KOREA SCHOLARSHIP APPLICATION ESSAY
Hi everyone, I'm going to apply for the Global Korea Scholarship for Graduate Program this year. I would be grateful if you guys could give feedback to my Personal Statement.
When I was young, my mom always told me that I need to study hard so in the future I could be someone. Growing up with her words make me wonder what kind of someone she wanted me to be. Every time I asked her, she always gave me a vague answer or simply told me that I could be whatever I want, any type of someone. Somehow I finally find the answer some years later when I was doing a community service in my fifth semester of college. I did a community service at some kindergartens in a village in Garut, West Java. I was given a task to repaint the class to make it livelier and represent kindergarten building since the headmasters have no financial support to do a renovation. One of the headmaster thanked me as she said that she really loved the artwork I made on the wall in one of the classroom. Right at that time, I know that I want to become someone who can help others by giving a hand and in order to do that I must have both hands of mine available.
Come to think of it, I chose architecture as my undergraduate major with a mind to help people too. I always interested in conceptual design and architecture major provides the combination of both my interest and desire. During my undergraduate study in Indonesia University of Education, I learn how architecture wasn't merely about building design but more about how a space can express the characteristic of a person or community. With this comprehension, I published my final project about shoe home industries in Cibaduyut that doesn't have a proper infrastructure to attract more costumer and provides them to sell their products better. The projects also describe my analytical thinking responding to the problem and a design solution.
I have always had a special spot for interior design ever since I decided to learn architecture up until I started working in the professional field. There are so many substantiation in architecture and interior design is one of them. With these interests I have, I plan on enrolling in interior architecture design for my master degree in South Korea. This decision came as I am currently working at an interior, furniture, and manufacturing company. During my time working in the company, I understand that the process of realizing a design involve many divisions and require a good communication skills to be able to deliver ideas. By following the workflow of the company, I know many people thrive to look for a popular design other than a design that provide solution to the problem of space they have. This issue occurs a malfunction design of architecture as it is not sustainable. With pursuing interior design master degree, I will be able to learn the advance design process that provide the design solution rightfully.
Learning in South Korea would help me to grow better as a graduate student since South Korea has a good education system with a lot of high rank universities. The good education environment as the students in South Korea is very ambitious with their grades is beneficial for me so I could feel exhilarated to finish master degrees. South Korea has a reputable universities and colleges that offer interior design programs as people who works in design and art industry are more appreciated in South Korea than in Indonesia. Global Korea Scholarship program offers the participant to apply in three different university through South Korean Embassy's screening so it help me to gain higher chance to study in South Korea. Furthermore, the awardees of the program are given a chance to stay after their study to experience professional field in South Korea and that is linear with my interest to experience the cultural exchange during my stay as I have become a connoisseur for Korean cultures that has been globally exposed for the past decades.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,844 
4785 While your motivations for applying to the program are admirable, you seem to fall short of the other qualifications as indicated in the writing guide. You do not speak of architectural influences that led you to choose architecture as a career, besides your desire to help the people of your country. The writing prompt clearly asks you to discuss the influences you have had in your life. Your mother is only one of the actual inspirations they are looking for. For example, a teacher who encouraged you to pursue this as a college degree. A part time job that opened you to more design ideas, and other similar presentations.
I also do not note any awards or recognition in your presentation, a must in the list of discussion points. You should also try to balance the discussion with presenting your personal interests in terms of hobbies, interests, or pursuits that go beyond your professional and academic interests.
