Great challenges & Many experiences; Study plan in china (SCHOLARSHIP FOR MASTERS)

Here's my first draft of study plan, currently applying scholarship for a master degree in China, sorry for bad grammar here and there, and thank you for your time :)

First time I am using a computer is when I was 12 years old. I was very happy to see a new Personal Computer (PC) on my desk, that since then I am so attached to computer-related things. I see computer as a tool that really helps mankind to be a very sophisticated existence on the earth. However, in these modern days, computer has evolved not only as a tool, but somehow transforming into a personal assistant that helped many of us to achieve a better way of life through technology. The world nowadays need very much people skilled in computer, in a very broad range from a simple data entry to a very complex computer programming; from the artificial neural computing, into a developing quantum computer. We always need a better computer.

Since graduating from Pelita Harapan University in Indonesia with a degree in Informatics Engineering, I have been worked in a small startup company as a mobile web developer. The working environment and fast-paced development really excites me and giving me the challenge to use apply every knowledge and skills that I have acquired during my 3-year study. I am an optimistic person who believes one should not ever stopped learning and challenge ourselves. After all, challenge is what makes us alive. And also by working in my current company, I taught myself a lot of new skill-set that needed as a real developer that will produce working product and always look for improvement over and over again. In a real-time working environment, I found myself not quite competent despite of my self-teaching skill. That is why I believe by pursuing my Master degree, not in local university, but overseas.

I always want to study abroad, because I believe it will offer me great challenges and gives many experiences. I choose People's Republic of China for some reason, mainly because the similar environment and culture, since Indonesia and China are in the same continent, Asia. For the past few years, China has shown great advancing in Technology and received world acknowledgement; therefore it will help me pursue my dream and goal to become expert in Computer Science. People's Republic of China are always a dominant country in Asia, and if not, in the world. I believe study in China will benefit me more and therefore give me a better insight about how to bring development better in Indonesia. This scholarship will help me achieve better knowledge and skill to become more competitive individual as well to broaden my experience in the studying and working environment in China. My plan is to take a master degree plus doctoral degree, if possible, at China in Computer Science related major. Then I will bring my knowledge that I have acquired to help develop my home country so we can advance in Technology just like other developed countries in the world.

Wiratama D. Ciputra

I was twelve years old when I first laid my hands on a computer.


.... all this is irrelevant. They know all these and would feel bored reading known facts. They are interested in knowing about you and you need to talk about yourself.

This is what I suggest (after the first line I suggested above);
Since that moment, my attachment towards computers grew intensely and I dreamed of becoming some important person in the field of computers.
Now connect these to your second para;