'my higher studies in Pakistan' - Need-based Scholarship Essay

Hey, I am applying for a need-based scholarship in one of the top universities of my country.
I have to write a 200 word essay on,
'Describe a situation or an experience of your life which demonstrates your best characteristic or quality'
(Note: The 11th and 12th grade is equivalent to FSc and A levels. 9th and 10th is Matric and O levels.
FSc/matric is the local degree and A levels(expensive) is internationally recognized. Both systems are completely different from each other)

I have started writing but haven't completed it yet. Anyway, here goes:

Only a few months ago, I was staring at the crossroads of my life, lost and confused. I had given my final O levels and it was time to answer that ever daunting question, FSc or A levels? Since I will pursue my higher studies in Pakistan, it only seemed sensible to opt for the local system but switching over to something completely different at this crucial juncture sounded foolish. A tornado of questions swirled in my mind for weeks. I sank deeper and deeper into apprehension and fear as my friends and teachers stood firm against FSc.

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....how does that sound?

here is the rest of it;
However, I was well-aware of my situation and resources. When the time came, I made the toughest decision of my life. I chose FSc. This new world was alien to me. My academic performance went down a steep slope. As disheartening and frustrating it was, I knew I could not give up. I remember pushing myself beyond my potential, many a time even surprising myself. Mid-terms came and went. Within a little time I had managed to adapt to a completely new environment and even secured a position in class. The strength of my will power got me through. I am a struggler, always have been. No matter how many downfalls I face, I rise with a renewed vigor. And as far as FSc is concerned, well, challenge accepted!

Since I will pursue my higher studies in Pakistan, it only seemed sensible to opt for the local system, but switching over to something completely different at this crucial juncture seemed foolish.

A tornado of questions swirled in my mind for weeks.---This is great writing!

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This new world was alien to me, and my academic performance went down a steep slope.

As disheartening and frustrating that was, I knew I could not give up.

I remember pushing myself beyond my potential, many times even surprising myself.

Within a little time I had managed to adapt to a completely new environment, and even secured a position in class.

I am a struggler, always have been.---I think this would sound better if you change the word 'struggler' to 'fighter'!

Good luck with school and have fun!

:)

yeah, my I wrote 'fighter' in the very beginning, I'll change it :)