This is very incomplete. I am at 330 words out of the total 500 I wish to reach. I am so pressed for time, any input would be extremely appreciated. I will definitely return the favor.
Please criticize grammar, content, everything!
The prompt is to "describe something you are passionate about. How will you incorporate this passion into the legacy you will leave behind?"
Thank you!
It was broad daylight, true, but I had my most deceptive garments on. The time for my daily eight in the morning escapade was drawing near. I slid down my stairs, pressed my back against my living room wall, and in a comical leap, landed right outside my front porch. I was free! A couple swift steps away was my favorite place to be--my neighbor's alternative health center.
You heard me correctly; this was the place I found most interesting and most stimulating, so getting there always seemed to feel like an adventure. Life was relatively monotonous over at my house, where I could not experience (be examined, etc). I would arrive there to the scent of eucalyptus and lavender essential oils, welcomed by my neighbor, the health specialist and owner. Adults there went to relax, prevent unnecessary disease, or recover from injuries; I went because I was the strange eight-year-old who would rather watch Discovery Channel marathons over the Disney channel any day. This small business, by opening its doors and allowing me to peek inside, helped me discover my greatest intellectual passion: the human body. It also became the nook where I observed medicine in its most noble (or pure, primitive, untainted, best, most effective) state--when it could be incorporated into daily life, when it is helping to prevent before it is forced to cure.
From the moment I, I knew human beings were much more than their actions. They do not simply think, walk, or contract disease-- behind this there are chemicals working undercover, neurons firing to transmit a thought, an unconscious working to create defense mechanisms. These are the intricacies that have captivated me for years--from spending hours on WebMD researching western cures to diseases to buying books on reflexology, Ayurveda, and other oriental alternatives. Both perspectives, I learned, must be considered. Someday, I hoped, I would grow in enough knowledge to help further fuse the disparity between the two branches.
Please criticize grammar, content, everything!
The prompt is to "describe something you are passionate about. How will you incorporate this passion into the legacy you will leave behind?"
Thank you!
It was broad daylight, true, but I had my most deceptive garments on. The time for my daily eight in the morning escapade was drawing near. I slid down my stairs, pressed my back against my living room wall, and in a comical leap, landed right outside my front porch. I was free! A couple swift steps away was my favorite place to be--my neighbor's alternative health center.
You heard me correctly; this was the place I found most interesting and most stimulating, so getting there always seemed to feel like an adventure. Life was relatively monotonous over at my house, where I could not experience (be examined, etc). I would arrive there to the scent of eucalyptus and lavender essential oils, welcomed by my neighbor, the health specialist and owner. Adults there went to relax, prevent unnecessary disease, or recover from injuries; I went because I was the strange eight-year-old who would rather watch Discovery Channel marathons over the Disney channel any day. This small business, by opening its doors and allowing me to peek inside, helped me discover my greatest intellectual passion: the human body. It also became the nook where I observed medicine in its most noble (or pure, primitive, untainted, best, most effective) state--when it could be incorporated into daily life, when it is helping to prevent before it is forced to cure.
From the moment I, I knew human beings were much more than their actions. They do not simply think, walk, or contract disease-- behind this there are chemicals working undercover, neurons firing to transmit a thought, an unconscious working to create defense mechanisms. These are the intricacies that have captivated me for years--from spending hours on WebMD researching western cures to diseases to buying books on reflexology, Ayurveda, and other oriental alternatives. Both perspectives, I learned, must be considered. Someday, I hoped, I would grow in enough knowledge to help further fuse the disparity between the two branches.
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