indicate my educational & professional goals, describe my current & future plans

this is a scholarship essay and i want to know if i answered the question properly and if its a great essay the deadline is tomorrow

An integral part of my childhood consisted of visiting my grandparents in Canada, spending holidays and part of my summer vacation there every year. My grandparents' living arrangements are very unusual. Both sets of my great grandparents lived with them. My maternal great grandparents actually lived upstairs with my grandparents' and my paternal great grandparents in an apartment that was specially built for them in my grandparents' the basement.

Throughout the years, I witnessed the physical and mental decline of my two sets of great grandparents. I watched the struggle my grandmother had to endure in order to ensure that their proper medication would be taken at the right time with the right dosage and make sure they were physically all right. This left a very strong imprint on my life.

As the baby boomer generation ages, there will be a greater demand for geriatric services. After witnessing my grandparents struggle, hopefully with the help of your scholarship, I hope to give back to society by becoming a pharmacist and specializing in geriatrics. Thus easing the patient's or caretaker's burden somewhat and giving the patient a better quality of life.

I plan to first a BA in Biology and then attend pharmacy school with the intent of specializing in geriatrics. I intend to work hard all through college and pharmacy school and become the greatest pharmacist I can possibly be. I'd love to work in a relatively small and warm environment, where the focus can be on each patient one on one, to provide the best and most accurate patient care.

Very interesting living arrangement! It sounds nice...

I don't think integral is the best word to use.

Here is an incomplete sentence:
Thus easing the patient's or caretaker's burden somewhat and giving the patient a better quality of life.
Thus is another word, like integral, that seems unnatural.
I can ease the patient's or caretaker's burden somewhat, and giving the patient a better quality of life.

:-)

thanks for the tip
but i'd like to know if this answers the question properly

this scolarships has two essay questions i answered the first one above
the next question asks "how will scholarshipp funds help me, and why do i feel i should receive a scholarship?" since they are two separate questions is the answerr below a good answer to the question and did i write enough

My parents and I feel that education is something that is extremely important in order to have a successful life. Without a proper education, it is very difficult to reach your maximum potential. As a full time student, it is almost impossible to earn enough money and keep up your good grades.

My parents have always supported me in all my endeavors and have always been there to cheer me on. I've always wanted to be independent and free my parents from some of their financial burdens. Receiving your scholarship would give me a head start in lessening my debt and allow me additional time to focus on my studies and maintain my high standards in education. My parents have given me so much and I'd like to give them something in return.

FIRST ESSAY:
I found another problem with the first one:
I plan to first earn a BA in Biology and then attend ...

I don't think you say quite enough about your career goals. You do explain very well why you are interested in this field, though.

SECOND ESSAY:


I think you can explain in a single sentence that you want to ease the financial burden on your parents. That way you will have room to include some arguments about why you deserve it. Maybe you deserve it because your career plans are so well-developed. If so, share your vision of the future so the reader will be able to get inspired by you.

It's easy: just come up with a detailed career plan that you can express succinctly.

:-)