a curious mind
I have always been a curious mind who has never shied away from asking questions. As Albert Einstein said, "The important thing is not to stop questioning". This thirst to understand logic behind every phenomenon helped me develop analytical approach from a very early age. My interest in numbers first burgeoned under the tutelage of my father, who holds a Master's degree in Business Administration. he has passed down to me his insatiable curiosity and resourcefulness and it wasn't long before I realized that the analytical skills I acquired from him would find a home within the gambit of an enriching Engineering course with a specialization in Electrical and Electronics.
I found college to be a rewarding experience in terms of discovering my strengths, to realize where my aptitude lay. Attending a seminar on predictive analytics entailing the whys and how's of 'Online shopping' was the watershed moment of my academic life which gave shape to my career plans. Being quite the shopaholic myself, the recommendation feature of these websites always piqued my curiosity. It was truly an "Aha!" moment for me to understand how predictive analytics operated in real-time. The desire to learn about robustness and maintenance of such vast systems, saw me researching various online shopping portals in order to understand what made them tick. Exploring a wide array of subjects ranging from many quantitative courses such as Calculus, Probability, Statistics, Linear Algebra which served to pique my interest in mathematics and with the introduction to programing language like C, MATLAB. I was engrossed to find out how solution to complex business logic or enormous amount of data could be handle just with the few lines of codes.
To understand the nuances of using technology at larger scale I joined Cognizant Technology Solutions - an Information Technology and Consulting services firm after my graduation. I got the opportunity to commence my corporate journey with client who secures its position in top 25 of fortune 500. I worked on developing the Dynamics CRM solutions which is been integrated to web application written in MVC design pattern and various business logics, I was engage in writing the complex plugins in C# and Automate business process according to the well Fargo Business requirement. With the introduction of Bigdata with the CRM in wells Fargo, I was completely engrossed in extensive data analytics where data from various fronts was collected, processed and represented in form of a dashboard, which was directly leveraged by business users. It contained information on Top selling products, customers' buying patterns in terms of geographic location & time. I witnessed the project's complete flow and was engaged in designing and maintaining the data so that it could be analyzed to appeal to higher-value customers, to reconfigure their product offerings to increase sales. My work was highly appreciated and I was awarded with a promotion, earlier that year. As I climbed up the corporate ladder, I accumulated vast technical expertise and the "how" was getting answered. I now understood in detail how technical changes are implemented but the "why" was still unclear. I wanted to understand the drivers and the thought process behind these technical changes in an organization
To find these answers I took a step up and joined Accenture as a Software Development Analyst. Here, I worked directly with key business personnel from Client, A Finland Law firm and among the Legal 500, understanding their requirements and provide technical solutions to them. I Automated various workflows, Business process and use analytics skill to drill down more to get insight of the business. Apart from developing the CRM solution I am actively involved in designing the solution required for generation of Invoicing reports using SQL Server Reporting Services. My ability to make meaningful conclusions from a barrage of data was greatly appreciated by my team and the client and I was promoted to next level this year.
Today, when I look at my 48 months of rich and diversified work experience, I have built a repository of excellent technical and business skills. However, I realize that this is just a small drop in the vast ocean that lies before me. I believe that I am now at that stage in my career where my field knowledge ought to be augmented with further studies from a globalized perspective. And I am also of the belief that the Masters of ..............Universitywill help me in achieving just that. This program will help me expertizing the Business analysis skills and to apply them to challenging real world business problems.
Post my Masters, I look forward to serve as a bridge between technology and business by supporting its operations and critical decision making. As my experience has taught me that a good code follows good business requirement, my short-term goal is to refine my business analysis skills as I learn to work with new stakeholders and gain a broader exposure to new domains. Learning and growing I see myself in bigger roles leading and managing the teams with a clear vision.
I believe I will make an excellent contribution to the atmosphere of University ............. because of my work ethics, willingness to learn new skills and love for problem-solving. I look forward to the opportunity to develop, grow and innovate in the unfettered intellectual environment of your university. Hence, I request .....University to grant me admission in the................ program.Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,844 
4784 Devanik, this is not a statement of purpose that can help you to impress the reviewer. In fact, he will find this essay quite laughable in content because you have written it in such a casual manner that the discussions you present do not even reflect an upstanding professional with 2 years worth of notable experience. You have taken the approach of a personal statement to the essay, that is where the problem lies. That said, please don't be sore at me for telling you that you will need to write a totally new statement of purpose for your application. There are a set of specific information that you need to focus on because these are the only information that are important for the reviewer to consider in relation to your application. The following should be represented in a formal manner within your new essay:
1. A short summary of your college education that focuses on your accomplishments as a student and the thesis project that you created (if related to your profession and masters course).
2. A clear picture of how you used your college education within your workplace and how far this education has taken you.
3. Be clear about the question that you are seeking a response to. This question should be related to the motivation letter that you wrote. I see that you mentioned seeking answers in the essay, but what are you seeking answers to? The information you gave about it is too generalized. Refer to the problems that you have encountered in the workplace and your lack of ability to properly deal with or address the issues.
4. When you speak of your profession over the past 2 years, do not bore the reviewer with rank and file details of your job. If you were not recognized for something that you did, then it is not worth mentioning. The only profession related information of value in your essay are those that refer to any accomplishments that led to your recognition by the bosses and resulted in your promotion. That proves you are good at your job and that you have the potential to go far in the field. Leave the standard duty descriptions out of the essay. That will just lengthen the essay unnecessarily.
5. Discuss your 5 year plan in terms of short and long term goals. The short term goals should be mentioned as the first 6 months to one year of career accomplishments that you hope to have under your belt by that time. The long term goals refer to the next 4 years.
6. Explain how you hope to have this university in particular help you achieve these goals. Refer to the programs they offer their students in terms of notable training and internships or similar opportunities in relation to the next phase of your career objectives.
Represent your responses in a direct manner, sound professional and stick to the list. Don't wander off into storytelling mode as you often do in this current version of the essay. Remember, you need to make sure you deliver only the salient information because the reviewer doesn't have the time to weed out the information he needs in your essay. It has to be direct and easy for him to scan for in the paragraphs. Keep it short but informative by focusing on specific areas of consideration alone.
I bump into Holt again, and find that I disagree.
The structure you bring to this essay is very good, and very well-executed. You indeed present your past achievements, and your current and future plans. I would maintain this structure.
You do not restrict your narrative to purely "professional" objectives --- you also reveal your personal intellectual motives, and how you have used your jobs to grow PERSONALLY --- to pursue intellectual interests. You're showing yourself to be a more whole person by doing this, and this makes the essay more powerful.
HOWEVER, I think you have to do A LOT of work cleaning up this essay. I'd retain the current structure, but there is a lot of fat you can cut out of the essay --- especially in the earlier paragraphs. And you can add more meat to the later paragraphs -- -more specific detail and example.
