Hello,
I need someone to revise my scholarship application, but I cannot publish it on public forum, because if I did, I could be accused of plagiarism and my application would be rejected.
Thanks very much and please do not be afraid of being critical to me.
Please provide a personal statement in English in which you (i) indicate all schools to which you intend to apply, including the reasons which led you to this selection, (ii) specify the subject matter of your future studies, and (iii) explain how studying abroard ï as opposed to studying at a Czech university ï will contribute to your future plans. Please also briefly describe your plans if you do not win the scholarship and specify which other scholarships you are considering applying for.
(i) I decided to apply for the University of Cambridge, the University of Oxford, the London school of Economics and political science. I am convinced that the reasons of my choice are absolutely clear; these universities are considered to be among the best worldwide. They are commonly appreciated by world's famous economists and financial magazines. Studying there would enable me to develop my skills, to get to know with some renowned scientists, and thus help to do the job I like. I will also apply for the University of Luxembourg, but for slightly different reasons: Luxembourg is located in an administrative centre of EU, which means that there are lots of interesting thinkers (statesmen, philosophers, lawyers,..). Being there would be a great opportunity for me to achieve better understanding of EU or, better, globalisation per se. The quality of this the University of Luxembourg is not as high as the excellence of the previous mentioned, but it still belongs among important centres of education.
(ii) I would like to study economics, or a combination economics, philosophy and politics (at Oxford). My particular area of interest is behavioural economics, which means using more psychological methods in economics in order to make it closer to reality, in contrast with simplifying theories that are being employed very often nowadays.
(iii) Studying abroad would contribute very propitiously to my plans. AT every university that I have chosen, you can find the greatest masterminds of economic thinking. Being in touch with them, having the possibility to exchange ideas with the top researchers are factors that attract me to studies abroad. If I omit the level of these schools, there still remain some advantages to mention, for example, I would improve my English language skills, come to know different culture and meet more foreign students, which is not little.
(iv) If I do not win the scholarship, I will apply for some others. If I were not successful, I would study economics in the Czech Republic, possibly in combination with philosophy, or sociology. I contemplate applying for scholarship offered by the universities. Unfortunately, most of the scholarships tendered by independent organisations are designed for graduate or doctoral students. The choice of undergraduate scholarships is not that wide. Therefore my selection consists of this scholarship (Zdenek Bakala Foundation) and various kinds of support by particular universities or governments (LSE scholarship, Cambridge living costs grant, UK government support, and Luxembourg government support).
Please list your principal extracurricular activities, including major accomplishments, such as sports and musical instruments played, theater projects, volunteer activities etc.
I am keen on economics, philosophy and politics so I am always trying to combine these areas in my activities. Recently, my attention is being drawn mostly by the affairs of European Union. I wrote a paper on it and now I am working on more thorough research that would lead to an in-depth study exploring EU from different points of view, its benefits, drawbacks and potential future changes. After completing it, I would like to explore the impacts of financial crisis on people's thinking about the membership in EU (mainly Czech euro-scepticism) and inquire the influence of media on it.
In addition, I am keen on getting valuable professional experience, which is why I started working as a part-time financial consultant. My career in this field has just begun, therefore I do not really work yet, but I attend lectures to earn the necessary qualifications. This helps me hugely with understanding market system, which, I believe, may significantly contribute to my education.
As I really like writing, I joined EssayForum.com - a webpage gathering people who are interested in writing or who want to improve their English in order to study in an English speaking country. I achieved having a status of Contributor, which is awarded to members that constantly provide others' essays with high-quality comments and valuable remarks.
My passion towards societal problems makes me an enthusiastic attendant of Masaryk's Debates ï an event organised by university students. There are always very professional speakers invited to discuss various topics. Two of them agree with the theme, the other two disagree. Therefore their opinions are confronted in a very interesting way.
I used to do many things that I do not anymore, but they can still tell something about me. I played in a students' theatre (I ended, because it was really time consuming). I would do karate, musado (a South-Korean self-defence system) and judo. One day, I got hurt at my karate lesson and even though I am entirely fit, now, my parents refused to pay for my lessons again. I must admit I understand them.
Generally, I love discussing interesting ideas with interesting people, because I believe that it is the best way to enrich one's knowledge as Socrates used to do it all the time.
Language skills (please specify which languages you speak, how long and where you have studied them, assess the level of your knowledge and provide the results of any official language tests you have taken, e.g. CPE, DELF, DALF, TestDAF and others).
I speak English fluently. Presently, I do not have any commonly acknowledged certificate except for one from Kaplan International Colleges (level C 1), which is recognised by the British Council, but not accepted by universities. I have been studying this language for almost 9 years at school as well as at language courses and by myself. My plan is to take the IELTS exam in October to acquire the necessary requirements for applying. According to my current knowledge of English, I believe that it will not be a problem to score enough points.
The second language that I study at school is French. I have been learning it for 3 years, which means that do not speak it as fluently as English. I obtained a DELF certificate two years ago. Nowadays, my estimated level would be B1/B2.
I know a little Russian, which I learnt as an autodidact and later with help of a native speaker. I can make myself understood in Russian, even though it sometimes looks funny.
Thank you very much for your suggestions.
I need someone to revise my scholarship application, but I cannot publish it on public forum, because if I did, I could be accused of plagiarism and my application would be rejected.
Thanks very much and please do not be afraid of being critical to me.
Please provide a personal statement in English in which you (i) indicate all schools to which you intend to apply, including the reasons which led you to this selection, (ii) specify the subject matter of your future studies, and (iii) explain how studying abroard ï as opposed to studying at a Czech university ï will contribute to your future plans. Please also briefly describe your plans if you do not win the scholarship and specify which other scholarships you are considering applying for.
(i) I decided to apply for the University of Cambridge, the University of Oxford, the London school of Economics and political science. I am convinced that the reasons of my choice are absolutely clear; these universities are considered to be among the best worldwide. They are commonly appreciated by world's famous economists and financial magazines. Studying there would enable me to develop my skills, to get to know with some renowned scientists, and thus help to do the job I like. I will also apply for the University of Luxembourg, but for slightly different reasons: Luxembourg is located in an administrative centre of EU, which means that there are lots of interesting thinkers (statesmen, philosophers, lawyers,..). Being there would be a great opportunity for me to achieve better understanding of EU or, better, globalisation per se. The quality of this the University of Luxembourg is not as high as the excellence of the previous mentioned, but it still belongs among important centres of education.
(ii) I would like to study economics, or a combination economics, philosophy and politics (at Oxford). My particular area of interest is behavioural economics, which means using more psychological methods in economics in order to make it closer to reality, in contrast with simplifying theories that are being employed very often nowadays.
(iii) Studying abroad would contribute very propitiously to my plans. AT every university that I have chosen, you can find the greatest masterminds of economic thinking. Being in touch with them, having the possibility to exchange ideas with the top researchers are factors that attract me to studies abroad. If I omit the level of these schools, there still remain some advantages to mention, for example, I would improve my English language skills, come to know different culture and meet more foreign students, which is not little.
(iv) If I do not win the scholarship, I will apply for some others. If I were not successful, I would study economics in the Czech Republic, possibly in combination with philosophy, or sociology. I contemplate applying for scholarship offered by the universities. Unfortunately, most of the scholarships tendered by independent organisations are designed for graduate or doctoral students. The choice of undergraduate scholarships is not that wide. Therefore my selection consists of this scholarship (Zdenek Bakala Foundation) and various kinds of support by particular universities or governments (LSE scholarship, Cambridge living costs grant, UK government support, and Luxembourg government support).
Please list your principal extracurricular activities, including major accomplishments, such as sports and musical instruments played, theater projects, volunteer activities etc.
I am keen on economics, philosophy and politics so I am always trying to combine these areas in my activities. Recently, my attention is being drawn mostly by the affairs of European Union. I wrote a paper on it and now I am working on more thorough research that would lead to an in-depth study exploring EU from different points of view, its benefits, drawbacks and potential future changes. After completing it, I would like to explore the impacts of financial crisis on people's thinking about the membership in EU (mainly Czech euro-scepticism) and inquire the influence of media on it.
In addition, I am keen on getting valuable professional experience, which is why I started working as a part-time financial consultant. My career in this field has just begun, therefore I do not really work yet, but I attend lectures to earn the necessary qualifications. This helps me hugely with understanding market system, which, I believe, may significantly contribute to my education.
As I really like writing, I joined EssayForum.com - a webpage gathering people who are interested in writing or who want to improve their English in order to study in an English speaking country. I achieved having a status of Contributor, which is awarded to members that constantly provide others' essays with high-quality comments and valuable remarks.
My passion towards societal problems makes me an enthusiastic attendant of Masaryk's Debates ï an event organised by university students. There are always very professional speakers invited to discuss various topics. Two of them agree with the theme, the other two disagree. Therefore their opinions are confronted in a very interesting way.
I used to do many things that I do not anymore, but they can still tell something about me. I played in a students' theatre (I ended, because it was really time consuming). I would do karate, musado (a South-Korean self-defence system) and judo. One day, I got hurt at my karate lesson and even though I am entirely fit, now, my parents refused to pay for my lessons again. I must admit I understand them.
Generally, I love discussing interesting ideas with interesting people, because I believe that it is the best way to enrich one's knowledge as Socrates used to do it all the time.
Language skills (please specify which languages you speak, how long and where you have studied them, assess the level of your knowledge and provide the results of any official language tests you have taken, e.g. CPE, DELF, DALF, TestDAF and others).
I speak English fluently. Presently, I do not have any commonly acknowledged certificate except for one from Kaplan International Colleges (level C 1), which is recognised by the British Council, but not accepted by universities. I have been studying this language for almost 9 years at school as well as at language courses and by myself. My plan is to take the IELTS exam in October to acquire the necessary requirements for applying. According to my current knowledge of English, I believe that it will not be a problem to score enough points.
The second language that I study at school is French. I have been learning it for 3 years, which means that do not speak it as fluently as English. I obtained a DELF certificate two years ago. Nowadays, my estimated level would be B1/B2.
I know a little Russian, which I learnt as an autodidact and later with help of a native speaker. I can make myself understood in Russian, even though it sometimes looks funny.
Thank you very much for your suggestions.