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KGSP scholarship to become one of the best film editors



Taeyangie 1 / 2  
Sep 8, 2017   #1
I am applying for this year's kgsp-u. Please I need your thoughts on my personal statement.🙏

KGSP Undergraduate 2017 Personal statement



There are many reasons why I am applying for this program. One of them is South Korea's advanced technology, to studying filmmaking I need to surround myself with the best equipment to understand and experience first-hand what I am being taught. Another reason why I am applying for this program is because I really want to study filmmaking. I've always loved film and everything about it though I never thought of it as my ambition because my parents see the arts as a hobby rather than an ambition. And for that reason, I was made to choose science which I never really liked. Also, I couldn't refuse because I saw how my parents struggled to make ends meet and to pay for my education. Several times, I felt stifled and suffocated where I was but getting this scholarship is going to be like a breath of fresh air or a ray of light to me because It means I will be able to lift a burden off my parents' shoulders. I'm from a family of three; my mum, my dad and I. I was born with a silver spoon but around the early part of my childhood things went downhill for my family but whatever happened my parents made sure to take care of my education even if it cost them a lot. I started school at the age of two that is, nursery school and my g.p.a from then till elementary school was above the 4.5/5.0 mark. Growing up I was always told that I had a more mature mentality than my peers. I received a double promotion (when one is allowed to skip a grade if smart enough) twice, but my mum refused it because she wanted me to experience every grade. I was given the post of the head girl/school prefect: I was both a member of the school's literary and debating club and football club. For my junior secondary school/middle school I attended a private school and it was a nice experience because things I learnt there still help me till this day. Unfortunately, I couldn't continue my senior secondary/high school there because of the fees, so I changed to a government school that was relatively cheaper but almost as good. During high school, I was called the 'class encyclopedia' because people often came to me for my opinions and ideas. I was a member of the Korean club, English/literature club and writers' club at school. In 2011, I attended a teens building camp and at the end I graduated as the 2nd best student overall. Also at my previous local assembly, I was a member of the choir and drama unit. I am currently a member of the protocol and hospitality unit where we help the less privileged by distributing clothes and foodstuffs. I don't really have outside work experience but I worked at my mum's restaurant whenever I wasn't in school, I took care of the accounts because I know a little bookkeeping by reading my dad's accounting books and several times I went to my dad's workplace and did some secretarial jobs. I have a knack for learning random things so it happens that I have acquired several skills (this I humbly say). I am good at Architecture (I learnt that from an uncle of mine), I have literary skills, I am a self-trained barista and good at baking, I acquired some arts skills like fashion designing, linguistics (Korean, French, Spanish and English, of course), musical skills and I play the recorder and guitar. I have computer skills (which I learnt at an early age), photography skills and I am good at editing videos and very detail-oriented most of which will help me while studying filmmaking. My desire is to get this scholarship, go ahead to become one of the best film editors, work with the likes of Writer Kim Eun Seok and even improve the viewing quality in my country, Nigeria.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15388  
Sep 8, 2017   #2
Timi, this is one extremely difficult to read personal statement. You did not even bother to format the paragraphs in the proper manner. This has caused undue stress on the part of the reader and has made it very hard to keep track of the information you are trying to present. By the way, the information you are presenting doesn't really follow the personal statement requirements of the KGSP Undergraduate essay. While you did present the required elements of the personal statement, you sound more like a petulant spoiled brat in the essay rather than a student who has had some hard times in life who is asking for help in achieving his dreams. Do not say that you born with a silver spoon in your mouth and that you fell on hard times. Instead, you were born to hard working parents who encountered some financial difficulties that they are recovering from. Display a sense of admiration and respect for your parents because the Koreans are all about respecting their elder family members. Discuss your high school GPA. There is no need to go back to your experience as a day care participant. That is irrelevant to your application. High school GPA is the main consideration at this point. Most of the information you indicated are just references accomplishments and achievements. You need to go into greater detail by naming the awards you received, what accomplishments you were recognized for by organization (if possible), and other similar references. Reformat the paper into paragraph topic format and then work on improving your content from there.
OP Taeyangie 1 / 2  
Sep 8, 2017   #3
@Holt
Thanks for your review. I'll try harder.


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