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[KGSP-G] - International Trade Studies (GSIS) - Personal Statement

nhunggngu 2 / 3 2  
Jan 13, 2021   #1

GKS Scholarship 2021

Hello everyone, I'm going to apply for GKS Scholarship 2021 for a Master's degree in International Trade through the Embassy track.
I would be very grateful if you can evaluate my 1st personal statement draft. Here are the PS's requirements as follow:
o Motivations with which you apply for this program
o Your education and work experience in relation to GKS.
o Reason for studying in Korea
o Any other aspects of your background and interests which may help us evaluate your aptitude and passion for graduate study or research.

Thank you so much and Have a great day!

Everyone has a distinctive world outlook. From my perspective, I always regard my life as a flower's life circle, beginning from the germination, then calmly growing through the Earth's nourishment until its most stunning day of bloom. Thus, this letter's purpose not only exhibits my achievements but also drives your attention to my unique combination of education, work experiences, career orientation, and personal characteristics. Every phase of my journey shaped my motivation and beliefs in line with who I am in which I started to plant flowers of my own life.

My motivation leading me to the Global Korea Scholarship (GKS) is not merely a precarious decision. Still, it does stem from long-lasting progress from the age of twelve until today when I made my life-decisive decision of Master's GKS registration. It was elementary school days when I was awake to Korean cultures for the first time via K-pop songs, dramas, and foods. Fortunately, in 2013, I participated in a student exchange program with Chungnam Foreign Language High School. Despite being a short course, Korea welcomed me with an open arm, giving me the opportunities to experience daily life as a Korean student, attend cultural classes, and explore a truly Korea that previously I only watched on the TV broadcast, through a practical lens. At that moment, I did not know that these little things became the very first seeds sowing into my sentiment with Korea.

The significant milestone marked my Korea story turning to another chapter since I started my International Economics Studies at the Diplomatic Academy of Vietnam. DAV is one of the most prestigious Vietnamese universities in Global Studies, where I grasped a solid foundation in international relations in general and international trade in particular. Apart from theoretical lectures at school, I challenged myself in various international competitions, namely ASEANDSE 2018, AYREPSE 2018, etc. These are precious lessons instructing me on the importance of international trade in the scenario of globalization, sharpening the analyzing and assessing skills of events' essence and their influences on global economic, political, social situations. Simultaneously, Korea became more prominent with Korean companies' proliferation and the increasingly indispensable role of those and their products in Vietnam. That is the reason why Korea is always one of the leading research objects in my lectures. That I gradually realized my interest in Asia, particularly in Korea - Vietnam relations, inspired me to conduct my graduation thesis titled "Korea - US Free Trade Agreement and the influences on the bilateral trade cooperation." Thanks to this research, I am aware that the obstacles in Vietnam - Korea trade collaboration would originate from the minor elements such as language barrier, cultural discrepancies, etc., but also the major factors such as political relation, shortcomings of bilateral FTA, etc.

Besides academic activities, I actively participated in DAV Ho Chi Minh Communist Youth Union as the Executive Committee - Head of External Relations Board, where I had organized various annual programs for community development. Furthermore, I also worked as a liaison officer or volunteer in many international conferences such as APEC 2017, APPF 2018, WEF 2018, etc. In 2019, I started my internship in the Office of the Ministry of Foreign Affairs in charge of reconstructing MOFA document archives. Thanks to these valuable experiences, I trained my logical thinking and multi-tasking since I enduringly endeavored to simultaneously work, attend extra-curricular activities, maintain my scholarship in all semesters, and graduate with an excellent degree. I got consistently appreciated as a responsible, persistent, eager-to-learn member with a good sense of adaptability and attitude in each position. On top of that, these gradually motivated my aspiration to work in a diplomatic environment where I can devote my knowledge to strengthen trade relations between Vietnam and its partners.

Unlike me in twelve, I have now broadened my Korean knowledge widely from culture, politics to economics, as if my "Korea flower" was well-nourished to keep thriving in the future. Along with my advanced English proficiency and acquired knowledge, the GKS can help me pursue a Master's degree in International Trade (Graduate School of International Studies). This opportunity will solidify an in-depth understanding of the interactions among different sectors in international cooperation, the socioeconomic features, and the demands of Korea in trade cooperation and acquire proficiency in English and Korean.

Flower blooms, bees come, spreading pollen from flower to flower, starting new germination and reproduction. Being in bloom is not an end but a new seed drill. I have vividly enjoyed my "Bachelor flower" harvested in Vietnam; then, from now on, I am ready to prepare for my Master's journey to come in bloom again in Korea.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,194 3644  
Jan 14, 2021   #2
The first paragraph is useless. You do not need to recap what you will be writing about nor what your thoughts about the presentation are. The prompt requirements, directly responded to, accomplishes that without the boredom and non-usability of the first paragraph. It does not enhance the essay presentation, it only makes it boring and time consuming to read. These essays are pointedly direct in presentation, hence the prompt questions. Delete the first paragraph in totality. The reviewer does not have time to waste reading the nonsensical presentation.

Can you explain why you are saying that your decision to apply for this scholarship is a dangerous (precarious) one? If it is dangerous, then why apply for it? Perhaps you made a mistake in your word choice? Did you really mean to say dangerous? You have made a solid connection with Korea that the GKS reviewers can take note of. Good job on presenting that informative section.

Do not use "etc." in an academic presentation. Do not just list the competitions you participated in. Indicate if you won or not. If you did not win, it is better to not mention that competition since it will not be seen as an increased asset on your part. There is a solid country based (Vietnam) reference in the essay that strengthens the choice to pursue a masters in Korea. It makes your reason to study in Korea informed and important.

Talk more about your thesis. What was the basis? How was it researched? Was it eventually published or given any sort of important attention? Heighten that discussion to show your acumen and passion for research. Describe how that is one of the motivating factors that led to your choice of Korea as an academic destination.

The last paragraph is another throw away. A waste of space and time on the part of the reviewer. Close with the "Unlike me in twelve" instead. That is strong and closes on an interesting point. Revise that incorrect sentence to "Unlike me at the age of twelve..."
OP nhunggngu 2 / 3 2  
Jan 15, 2021   #3
Thank you so much for your helpful comment. I will fix it according to your suggestions. Have a nice day!

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