This is Sharon Torquemada.
I will be applying to the 2021 GKS SCHOLARSHIP FOR GRADUATE STUDIES in international trade, and would very much appreciate your reviews on my essay.
Ever since I can remember I have always been surrounded by hardworking people, whether they were my family or friends, even neighbors and teachers, they've always encouraged and inspired me to do my best and to work for the things that I desire the most; I feel lucky to have had the chance to count on them when I was studying and to have found the thing that I'm most passionate about, Foreign Trade.
Throughout my years as a student I discovered my main interests and passions through the experiences of my professors and colleagues, one of those passions was to learn and master other languages besides my mother tongue Spanish, I strongly believe we acquire better knowledge when we are able to understand other languages, as well as being able to have access to numerous sources of information; so over the course of the years I was able to learn English by myself and obtain a TOEFL ITP, and most recently a TOEFL IBT certificate in order to consolidate my knowledge; I also obtained a French DELF B1 certificate while in university.
It was most recently when I became interested in the South Korean culture and language thanks to one of my university professors Mrs. Doren Marquez; we worked together in a research project for our class regarding the Mexico and South Korea commercial relations, in which we explored the potential to increase the benefits of this long-time relations between these countries. After we finished this project it became clear to me that I had to visit South Korea and see for myself what I had studied so far. In the summer of 2018 I was able to achieve one of my biggest dreams as a student, being able to study abroad for a semester, thanks to my academic record I was able to get a scholarship through the CONAHEC program; on a personal level this academic exchange gave me the opportunity to make friends from all over the world and improved my confidence. On an academic level, it improved my communication skills, exposed me to a wide range of topics and points of view I would otherwise have never considered.
During my junior and senior years in university I had the opportunity to work at the International Traffic & Logistics department at Morgan Thermal Ceramics' division company here in Mexico, and one of the most important companies in my home-state, as part of the internship required for my major. I got the chance to broaden my knowledge and interest in the import and export operations carried by international companies around the world and eventually this opportunity motivated me to keep learning and focus my studies in international trade and commerce practices between Mexico and South Korea.
I am extremely excited about the opportunity to pursue this career path, to achieve these goals that will be more effectively facilitated using the tools acquired through a master's degree education in this field, and get the exposure and knowledge needed to give back a part of what has been given to me as a student, a friend, a citizen and as a colleague.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 10,535 3447
Hi Sharon. Listen, I can really see the sincerity in your application. You are doing your best to prove that you have a clear motivation, a career path, and an interest in Korea as a country and a center of education. However, you are missing several key points in the presentation based on the new requirements for the personal statement. As I am sure that you have a copy of the e-application packet, you should be able to easily access the personal statement form and read the prompt requirements. You will be able to decipher for yourself which aspects you failed to present in this essay and what you have to remove. Your essay is more slanted towards the old prompt requirements, which means you are missing several key points in this presentation. Kindly review the prompt requirements and adjust your presentation accordingly. Your current presentation does not fulfill the needed information and as such, will not help the reviewer to appropriately consider your application for the scholarship program.