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Kindly review my Essay for AAS in Commercial law in Melbourne Law School


Khishig 2 / 2  
May 23, 2020   #1

scholarship application essay



Please:- a) give up to three practical examples of how you intend to use the knowledge, skills and connections you will gain from your scholarship. Possible tasks can be personal and/or professional; and b) list any possible constraints you think may prevent you from achieving these tasks.*:

Firstly, on completion of this study, I will have advanced knowledge in the field of commercial law especially e-commerce, e-contract, and digital consumer protection which Mongolia cannot regulate properly although there are increasing practices like e-trade of SMEs with China via Internet platforms. I will employ this knowledge and skills to create a legal framework that provides sufficient regulation of e-commercial activities by participating to draft new Commercial code and other related laws and publishing articles. But implementing these tasks can be challenging due to a lack of understanding of the problem by decision-makers, so I intend to overcome it by co-operating with Mongolian commercial chambers and other researchers.

Secondly, this study will give me knowledge of the recent development of commercial litigation in addition to digital trade law. According to the Doing Business 2020, Mongolia needs to improve its enforcing contract capacity including court structure, proceedings, and automation. So, as a manager of XXX responsible for court development, I will use my gained knowledge to develop a specialized commercial court or chambers in Mongolia and to build judges' capacity.

Lastly, I will have an advanced understanding of recent technological advances and their relevance to law after the proposed study. I will use this to initiate, develop a legal and technological basis to build e-court in Mongolia which will not only fulfill needs to decide e-commerce cases effectively but also increase court capacity to deliver services to citizens in a fair, timely and efficient manner. However, there might be a budget deficit and lack of technical knowledge to execute my last two tasks, so, I mitigate these by finding International donor funding.

To implement these tasks, I will use my networks to invite Australian professors and court practitioners to Mongolia to give lectures on improving e-commercial law and e-court. And I will give my effort to extend two countries network by establishing relationship between Australian and Mongolian courts.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,535 3447  
May 23, 2020   #2
You have to show how the knowledge you will be gaining can be applied to specific situations within your workplace. 3 definite problems need to be presented in the essay in relation to your work duties, how the education will help you resolve the problem, and what situations you need to overcome in your pursuit of solving the problem.

1. What specific existing commercial law case can you cite that will require the information you will be learning? What obstacles often result in lost suits? How will the knowledge, a specific part of it, in relation to the case, help you beat the odds and win the next case, should you be in charge of it?

2. What digital trade law case can you cite? Why was it lost? Why do you think that specific knowledge, cite the skill you hope to develop, can help you win the case the next time around?

3. You need a better third example.

You have 3 discussions to present. That means, you need to present 3 obstacles as well. You will create a better response that way as opposed to simply bundling your obstacle into a singular financial issue. That does not show a person considering career advancement through studies. It just shows a person who wants someone to pay for his studies. That doesn't show a strong character on your part, only selfishness.
OP Khishig 2 / 2  
May 23, 2020   #3
Dear, @Holt

Thank you for your review, I will correct my essay according to your suggestion and look it to you again.


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