How to write an interesting personal statement for KGSP?
Putri Tiin Puspa
Korean Government Scholarship Program
12 August 2018
Dear Sir/Madame
I have some reasons to apply this scholarship. Which is encourage me to apply KGSP is because Korea as destination country is really worthy to continue my study. Korea has a very competitive educational condition. This can be motivation for me to be more active in learning and working, so that I can achieve a good result in my study and to reach my dream. Has a rich culture also make me fall in love. Colaboration between modernity and culture is very beautiful. It can develop person's mind and become more respect to heritage. The last and vital reason is about my parents financial hardship. Except by work, I think look for scholarship is one of solution for me to able to keep continue my education.
I am the fifth of seven children. My parents are trader. We have a coffee shop as the main source of income to meet daily needs. I just graduated from High School of MAN 1 Lamongan this year. I completed high school education for three years. Education is very much concerned in my family. My parents always pay attention to the quality of school and the quality of education that their children get. It motivates me to pay more attention to the education.
When I was in third grade high school, I went to Malang to take an English Profeciency Test (EPT). With the words that was in third grade it was quite difficult for me to get permission from my teacher to take an absent for two days. It was also my first time to go out of town by myself, especially Malang. When I was at Junior High School, I was the best female speaker at the Excellent English Class Program. I also published my writing in the school magazine when I was at high school. One thing that was very memorable in my life was when I had to fight alone with my brothers and sister without parents. I learned how to earn income to meet dauly needs, how to managed money, how to share time, and to be independent child. I lived around almost hal a year after my parents left our city to work. From there I learned to be more truly independent, strong, and critical thinking.
When I was at high schoolI attended several extracurricular activities such as drum bands, English olymipcs, and journalism. I also attended some organization like youth scientific and OSIS (Intra-School Organization). I am currently organizing in the educational organization called PPM (Para Pencari Mimpi) which aims to share various information related to education, one of which is about scholarship at local and abroad through online or offline seminars that we hold and also through publications that we did. In this organization I was the chairman of the website division from 2017 to early 2018 and now I am serving as the second treasurer. From experiences above show me that by organizing can expand my network, can teach me to appreciate differences, and make me more responsible for what I have entrusted to.
As I said before, my writing was published in a school magazine. My writing at the time was a highlight of the 2017 edition of the school magazine. I had to find information on a historic site and interviewing historian who was there to get accurate information. After all the steps I have done, I start wrote all the information, I got before finally being published.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 15466 Putri, your letter is not very coherent as it is not properly worded in the English language. Aside from that, it appears that you are not providing the required information for the personal statement and study plan for undergraduates. You are applying as a college freshman right? You want to be scholar at a Korean University? Your essay currently does not meet the required information for the personal statement and study plan combined essay.
You should start the essay with a one paragraph explanation of your life experiences. The explanation about your parents being traders is a good starting point. You should end that introduction with an explanation of why your parents are no longer able to support your college studies. That way, you can explain how your academic interests are somehow tied in with your desire to study in Korea.
Talk about your college major. What academic qualifications from high school do you have that will explain how your interest in this field developed? Speak of your extra curricular activities that focused on the further enhancement of your skillset in this area. Then connect it to your interest in Korea as an academic center. How does Korea excel in this field? Why do you believe that a Korean education at Seoul National University will help you achieve your academic and goals? Why will a Korean education help you once you return to your country to work? Focus on the academic excellence of Korea in relation to your chosen major. Remember, you need to appear enthusiastic and excited about the opportunity to attend SNU as a scholar. Explain what you hope to contribute to the international student community there as well so that the reviewer will see a social interest in your part as well, thus making the educational experience a two way street for you in relation to other students.
Now, the Personal Statement requires you to speak of academic achievements, not extra curricular activities. At this point, you are trying to sell yourself as an academic asset to SNU so you will need to enumerate your academic honors and accomplishments rather than the extra curricular activities that do not have a direct relation to your chosen college major. All of your information must interconnect and create the idea that you are an academically inclined student who will continue to flourish as a member of the Korean student community. Right now, I am not getting that picture from your essay presentation.
Remember, you need to be specific about your academic goals. So familiarize yourself with the academic objectives or mission of SNU and make sure that you mention how your goals will be supported by the university goals as well. Specifically, indicate what your college thesis may be and why Korea would be the best place for you to conduct this sort of college level research. What do you hope to achieve by doing that type of research? Now remember, you don't need to be too specific at this point. The reviewer just needs to get an idea of what kind of studies you will be pursuing. Having a study plan also indicates that you will complete the college degree and not just quit midstream since you are applying for scholarship to SNU.
You will need to write another essay. You cannot use what you wrote in this essay because you did not accomplish the task of informing the reviewer about your application based on the required prompt information.
