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The leadership is an instinct which can evolve. Chevening scholarship - Mechanical engineer



Elayoutti 1 / -  
Nov 5, 2016   #1
I am a mechanical engineer, I am applying for Chevening scholarships program this year.
Those are the leadership and networking questions.
I am waiting for your advice about the grammatically, vocab, and meaning mistakes

Chevening is looking for individuals that will be future leaders or influencers in their home countries. Explain how you meet ...

The leadership, some people are convinced that it can be taught, and the others believe that it is a part of some people's character, I think leadership is an instinct which can be evolved.

For me, leadership started at a young age and improved over time, in the primary and preparatory school stage i used to be the class leader, the leader was being assigned by election and I won it several times, in the college I had a good influence on my friends by explaining the difficult parts which they didn't completely understand it in the lectures, also at the same period I have started volunteering with one of charities on my city, and at the last year of the faculty I was the leader of our graduation project group. During this period I have improved some abilities such as setting a timetable, managing it and distributing tasks for the team members.

Being officer was a big enhancement to my leadership experience, after I have graduated from faculty of engineering I have joined the armed forces for 30 months as a reserve officer, the main duty of an officer is leading his team which contains people who have different customs, cultures and educational levels and get the most of them without wasting their rights, in this period I have learned how to lead and follow because I and my soldiers were a part of a camp so I followed my leaders and all the teams were one big team.

My current job is a maintenance engineer so I am leading a technical staff, and my challenge is to develop all the staff technically and make every one of them feels with his importance and his effective role that he plays to improve our performance and increase our achievements. My manager has nominated me to Chevening as it prepare the future leaders, this is evidence that he trusts in my leadership ability.

I believe in myself, I am doing well till now, I still have a lot to do, it is just the start, I aspire to be a leader not only for my current foundation but further than this, these experiences will help me to progress in my professional career. Egypt now is in an advancement phase, it needs well-qualified leaders in all disciplines, I am convinced that the good leader must have a strong scientific background in addition to the leadership traits, so I will fight to achieve my aspiration.

mgl23 /  
Nov 6, 2016   #2
I'm applying for Chevening this year too. Below are some comments:
Do not use commas in between sentences, instead end them with a point and start a new sentence, for throughout the essay.
E.g. ... a part of some people's character, I think leadership ...
levels and get the most of them without wasting their rights-I don't understand "wasting rights". Better be changed with a different phrase

...leading his team which contains people who have---leading his team comprising from
I believe in myself, I am doing well ... - To plain and boring. You should give some more details, or everyone can write like this.

Please note that I haven't commented on overall content.
Would be thankful if you would review my essays too.
Good luck.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15388  
Nov 6, 2016   #3
Mohammed, your leadership skills should be reflected starting from your professional career. It should never, date back to the time when you were a class officer. Those early academic class officer positions and experience are not considered actual leadership examples by the Chevening reviewers. I am sad that you did not properly develop the professional leadership experience that you have. You almost forgot to mention it actually. that is a bad thing for your essay. For your sake, I suggest that you revise this essay by removing the reference to your early education leadership activities and instead, call the reviewer's attention to your professional leadership and influencing skills. You said that your boss recognized some sort of leadership ability in you and he recommended you for this scholarship. So tell the reviewer more about that leadership ability that he recognized and how it relates to your influencing skills. Start from scratch. Write a new essay. Don't use this one.


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