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Life time goals and how are my actions now contributing to this goal



Gabygabbs15 2 / 2  
Nov 29, 2015   #1
Everyone has goals and dreams they want to achieve and for me I am striving to
achieve my goal of pursuing a job that makes me happy, attaining a good
education at Texas State and making my parents proud.

Every goal in life is determined by the actions we do now. I wouldn't be able
to make my parents proud if I wasn't determined to continue my education. Being
the first to graduate from high school brings happiness and joy to my family. I
know all those consistent hours of studying and staying up late will be worth
it. After graduating high school my goal is to attend Texas State University
and become a teacher. I am currently involved in a extra curricular program
called, Teachers in Training were I am getting experience of what it's like to
be a teacher. Becoming a teachers involves helping others and my community
service help contributes to this. Being in National Honor Society it's a
requirement to get at least 60 hours of community service so I'm constantly
involved in my community. Yes, 60 hours for one organization sounds like a lot,
but helping the community makes me genuinely happy. Helping others describes
the person I am and is required for teachers wanting there students to be
successful. There is no way someone can be successful if they aren't happy with
what they are doing. I truly believe teaching is where my heart is at. My
short-term goals in life is to continue my education which leads up to my
long-term goals which are to get married and raise my own family. There are
many goals I would like to achieve, but they can only come into reality if I
put in the effort.

My goals are interrelated because it's my ambition for my success. My
short-term goals in life are to continue my education which leads up to my
long-term goals, to love my job and be happy with my family. For me, Teaching
is one of the best jobs; it's something I would enjoy doing and attending Texas
State University would make one of my golds accomplished.

kitkat 4 / 6  
Nov 29, 2015   #2
Overall very good meaning and really good job of portraying your passion

There are a few sentences that need a little tweak ;)
For example, when you say "Being in National Honor Society it's a
requirement to get at least 60 hours of community service so I'm constantly
involved in my community." try wording it differently to maybe something along the lines of "I have also had the amazing opportunity to be apart of the National Honor Society which has allowed me to be constantly involved with my community. Though NHS I have been able to participate in about 60 hours of community services related activities ranging from -list a few of the things you have done in NHS-."

Of course this is only a suggestion and most of your essay is very good. I recommend going back and reading it out loud and if anything sounds funny try finding a way to reword it.

Hope this helps! Really great job and good luck!!!
justivy03 - / 2265  
Nov 30, 2015   #3
Gabriella, as I finish proof reading your essay, I conclude that you have the idea for a well written essay.
Your essay has a lot of potential to be stronger essay, right now, it needs a lot of improvement on the part of
your word choice and how you incorporate this words on your sentences.

I suggest that you revise your essay, dig a little deeper on what you want to write in your essay, research and do a healthy comparison and

use a different set of words that are strong and will justify your ideas towards the fulfillment of your dreams and
aspirations, academically and professionally.

I hope to see your revised essay soon and I hope my insights helped!


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