I would like to be a connection between Korean and western world market

kgsp 2019 Personal statement

Hi guys, I'll be applying for the KGSP next year. I would appreciate any comments and suggestions about my statement down here. Thanks in advance to everybody!

I graduated university with a bachelor degree in Human Biology in 2011 and I received a master's in Human Nutrition in 2013 both at University of Rome Tor Vergata. Besides attending classes, I carried out a part-time job in Social Media Marketing at Leapforce that allowed me to learn a job and develop a new interest in my life in digital marketing. Thanks to this work experience I was able to build up my professional Facebook fan page about Nutrition and Food with the purpose of promoting my activity as Nutritionist and disclosing an healthy lifestyle.

During my Master's degree courses I worked as trainee at the Clinical Nutrition department of Tor Vergata Hospital as Nutritionist and after having completed my studies, I passed the Biologist qualification State exam in order to practice the profession of Biologist in Italy.

In 2014, I opened my own private practice and I started my professional career as a freelance nutritionist which focused on food supplements: during this experience I improved my knowledge of Nutrition and I became an expert of food supplements.

In 2015 I decided to follow my passion to travel, confident that this passion of mine would have helped me to expand my professional horizons. Thus I moved to Dublin where not only I improved my English but I found an internship with Medtronic, a medical device company, in New York City after almost 1 year.

As a consequence I started my internship in February 2016 and then I gained a 12 months contract as Inside Sales Executive. At the end of the internship I was offered a new contract but I refused it motivated by the desire to move on a country that could offered me a new stimulus in subject of nutritional styles and culture and I strongly believe that Korea could satisfy this desire. I would like to have a professional experience in Seoul and learn more about Korean market, with the target to improve my knowledge about Koreans social media, Korean culture and Hangul as well. That's why, in order to get myself ready for this scholarship, I attended an Hangul course at the Korean Cultural Centre in Rome. During this course I learned Hangul alphabet, basic vocabulary, Korean language structure and basic communication skills.

That time spent abroad will support me in having an important life experience in South Korea.
The reason why I aim at Korea as my next educational destination is because Korea is one of the countries that has one of the best educational system in the world. Furthermore, Korea is one of the most popular developed countries due to its K-wave and its economical-technological development and Korean consumer's pattern - consumers that are very responsive to a new trend. The rapid pace of business makes Korea as an appealing target to observe and learn consumer habits.

After having finished this study, I would like to be a connection between Korean and western world market as well as promote the Korean Culture to foreign country by the use of the social media.

"I graduated university ..."

This would be better to say that: I had my first degree in Human Biology in the year 2011 and I received my masters in .......
Later on you said you carried out a job, I think you need to find the proper work for that and you said again that: Thanks to work experience, remember it's not a gratifying message

In the third paragraph you need to find the right word for "after having, completed my studies"

Later on you said you your passion to travel but you didn't stated it earlier

You need to re-read and find the right word to restructure your essay. The paragraphs are not connecting

Damiano, there is a lack of reference with regards to your motivation to apply for the KGSP in relation to your chosen course of study. It would be better if you could represent a specific masters or PhD course that you hope to enroll in as a student in Korea. An indication of a specific university would be nice to add if you are applying through the university track. Even if you are applying through the embassy track, you can still mention a specific course and university to study in. That way you can properly connect your motivation to apply for the program with your reason for studying in Korea.

Your reason to study in Korea is not really the kind of reason you should be presenting in this personal statement. It should be geared more towards informing the reviewer about why you believe that your educational goals can only be met by a Korean education. This includes a reference to your academic goals in relation to studying at a chosen university.

This is okay for a first try at writing this essay. You can still improve the essay a lot based upon the missing requirements. You should not have a problem revising your essay at this point as nothing is final in your presentation yet. Don't be afraid to write a lot at this point. Put all the information in there and just edit it down to a single spaced page as you progress with your versions till you hit the final presentation.

@Teebest
Thank you, yes i need to read again and improve it much more. Thanks again.
I'm gonna help you with your essay

@Holt
Thank you Holt, so i don't have to write about korean university in the purpose statement, right?

It depends, Are you applying via embassy or university track? If you are applying via university track, then you need to discuss the reasons behind your choice of the university as a part of your motivation to study in Korea. The course you chose to enroll in at the university should fully explain the academic factors you considered that led to your choice of university. If you chose to apply by embassy track, then the discussion about the university is not yet required as you have yet to pass the screening part of the application. The university track is more stringent in a sense because you are applying directly for admission to the university to a certain extent. Pick one of the two tracks and then write the motivational / personal statement accordingly.

When you write your study plan, that is when you can go into a greater discussion regarding your university choice. For the personal statement, you can give it a simple mention with a light discussion of your choice. The study plan asks for your goal of study, title or subject of research, and detailed study plan. This is where the in-depth discussion of the university's ability to support your research and studies, along with other academic goals of yours, comes into play. If and when you finally write that essay, I will be sure to point you in the right direction so that your university discussion will be relevant to the requirements of the prompt.

Got it, I'll improve in that way. I shaped my personal statement like a resume discussing about my work experiences mostly. Do you think this is right? Could it works?

Thanks a lot Holt.

The KGSP scholarship reviewer has a specific set of information that he requires to learn from you and about you. That is why the application was designed with a set of prompt statements for you to discuss in the essay. The prompt covers various facets of academic and personal consideration that the reviewer uses to assess your ability to either perform as a scholar or complete the scholarship program within the specified period. It is a multifaceted approach to a general interview of the applicant.

That said, it would be best for you to apply an equal discussion focus of each prompt statement. Don't focus on just your professional background because that is your strongest suit. When considered by the reviewer, the lack of information stemming from other expected discussion aspects will often end up disqualifying your application. If the reviewer doesn't know everything that he needs to know about you, then he can't really assess your qualifications based upon their more serious considerations when it comes to applicant data.