Linda Lorelle Scholarship Fund.

The mission of the Linda Lorelle Scholarship Fund, Inc. is to provide college scholarships, support and guidance for high school students in need of financial assistance whose academic and personal potential may be unfulfilled due to circumstances beyond their control.

Well I have to write two essays in order to be a semi-finalist for this scholarship. The first topic is:
Explain specific circumstances that qualify you for the Linda Lorelle Scholarship Fund, including any challenges you face and/or obstacles you have overcome. This essay can be no longer than 300 words.

Here is my essay:
When I first moved to the United States from India in 2001, I was dumbfounded and confused. The teaching style and the grammatical terms used in everyday language were so mystifying to me. When I first walked into my third grade class, I felt so self-conscious. "What if I speak differently than those kids? Am I not as smart as those kids? Are the lessons taught here different than those in India?" Those were just a few of the questions that were running through my mind.

The first time I realized that what I learned in my native country was different than my new home was when I was asked what punctuation would you end a declarative sentence with. In India, the call the dot "a full stop" whereas here, they call it a "period". I wasn't aware of this fact but I didn't answer that question in fear of appearing unintelligent. I stayed quite but luckily a person around me told me the correct answer and I overcame that obstacle.

Through help from a new friend I was able to overcome the first hurdle, in a long line of obstacles, which I would face in my new country.

I have no idea what else I should write. That is approximately 200 words.

The second topic is:
Describe your academic aspirations and professional goals. It needs to be no more than 150 words and it is currently 205 words. What can I delete?

Here is my essay:
Ever since I was little, I have always been interested in how the human body works and everything relating to the field of medicine. In the near future, I intend to pursue an education in medicine. I'm not quite sure what I want to specialize in quite yet, but one of the fields I'm most interested in is Oncology.

Oncology is the field of medicine that deals with cancers. My ultimate goal is to do research. I would like to give kids with Leukemia a few more years to live or possibly give them a full, normal life. I would also like to conduct research and figure out why cells mutate into cancer cells. By doing that, I can find ways to prevent those mutations thus saving more lives. Also through research, I would like to find better treatments for those already living with cancer and help them lead better lives.

Ultimately, my goal is to save lives and help bring joy back to their families. Through carefully conducted research and time and effort, that goal can be accomplished. I can research on how to improve chances people might have of living and surviving for a few more years and that is what matters most.

I appreciate any help I may receive!!

When I first moved to the United States from India in 2001, I was dumbfounded and confused. The teaching style and the grammatical terms used in everyday language were so mystifying to me . When I first walked into my third grade class, I felt so extremely self-conscious. "What if I speak differently than those kids? Am I not as smart as those kids? Are the lessons taught here different than those in India?" Those were just a few of the questions that were running through my mind. - It's already implied with the quotations, no need for this last sentence.

The first time I realized that what I learned in my native country was different than my new home was when I was asked what punctuation would you end a declarative sentence with. - Confusing, reword.

In India, they call the dot "a full stop" whereas here, they call it a "period. " I wasn't aware of this fact but I didn't answer that question in fear of appearing unintelligent. I stayed quite quiet but luckily a person around me told me the correct answer and I overcame that obstacle.

Through help from a new friend, I was able to overcome the first hurdle, in a long line of obstacles, which I would face in my new country.

Ever since I was little, I have had always been interested in how the human body works and everything relating to the field of medicine. In the near future, I intend to pursue an education in medicine. I'm not quite sure what I want to specialize in quite yet, but one of the fields I'm most interested in is Oncology.

In this prompt, I see many repetitive things that are just redundant. That is one way you can eliminate words. You keep saying you want to save lives, so you can cut some of that out. I feel that saving lives is a very cliche goal. I'm not saying don't strive for that goal or anything of that type but try to make your goal different from other people. What can you say to draw the reader in and make them say "Yes, this person deserves this scholarship?"

Good luck! :)

Good, well you do seem to know what to write next, because this small hurdle REPRESENTS something. It is a symbol for the overcoming of a cultural barrier.

The first time I realized that what I learned in my native country was different from what I would learn in my new home was when I was asked what punctuation would you end a declarative sentence with. In India, the call the dot "a full stop" whereas here, they call it a "period". I wasn't aware of...

Be bold!
In the near future, I intend to pursue an education in medicine. I'm not quite sure what I want to specialize in quite yet, but one of the fields I'm most interested in is Oncology, because ____________....

:-)