I am a Canadian applying to a Canadian University. This essay is for a scholarship that can be about almost anything. It should be around 500 words and should demonstrate financial need, leadership, and interpersonal skills.
It is not 100% finished and the essay is not really fully concluded. I put it up here to see what people think, maybe I should start a new essay before I spend time editing.
Please rip it apart and be honest!
Thank you in advance.
My parents loved each other, and they made enough money to buy the necessities of life plus some to afford a small apartment. In these conditions, in a large metropolis in China, I was brought into this world. My parents were extremely ambitious, incredibly educated and cherished their only son.
Fast forward three years, my father obtained a scholarship to the University of Waterloo to pursue doctorate degree. For two years he put aside any money that he could, he often skipped meals and lived with multiple roommates. Five years after my birth, using the remnants of his student loan, he was finally able to bring his family to the western hemisphere. In China, Canada is a place where dreams are reality, where everyday life has no struggles, where life gets better. For some, this proves to be true. I, however, did not live the happiest of childhoods.
It might have been the stress of studying; it might have been due to our financial difficulties. Whatever it was, it changed my father's personality dramatically. In my elementary years, he would often smash whatever was in his way. He often beat my mother in spurts of anger. Once, when mother was temporally blinded for a week, we moved out. My mother, a very educated woman, begged for a job at a dollar store to pay for the small apartment with little to spare. In my seventh grade, my father took a job in the States. I'm sure he loved me, no father forgets his only son, but I haven't seen him to this day.
I had not a single friend in middle school. It makes sense, see I shared a bedroom with my mother, emotional eating brought me to a pudgy 200 pounds, and kids in middle school are downright cruel. Surprisingly, school was what took my mind off life. Teachers liked me, I was smart, I studied hard, and I constantly won academic awards in middle school.
As a senior looking back, I can see that high school saved my life. My very first friend introduced me to the world of athletics. I lived in the school gym; I competed in swimming and loved Football and Rugby. It was the athletic environment that allowed my personality to bloom. Before I knew it, everyone at school knew me. Anytime I saw someone who looked sad, I was the first to approach and offer an open ear. I knew just how painful it was to be depressed and have no one to talk to, I lived through it.
Last year, I accomplished a task that not only opened my eyes, but gave me the greatest motivation to live. When I ran for Student Council Executive, I not only won, but I was told that every single ballot had my name on it. This achievement not only proved that hard work pays off, but also that life is worth living.
It is not 100% finished and the essay is not really fully concluded. I put it up here to see what people think, maybe I should start a new essay before I spend time editing.
Please rip it apart and be honest!
Thank you in advance.
My parents loved each other, and they made enough money to buy the necessities of life plus some to afford a small apartment. In these conditions, in a large metropolis in China, I was brought into this world. My parents were extremely ambitious, incredibly educated and cherished their only son.
Fast forward three years, my father obtained a scholarship to the University of Waterloo to pursue doctorate degree. For two years he put aside any money that he could, he often skipped meals and lived with multiple roommates. Five years after my birth, using the remnants of his student loan, he was finally able to bring his family to the western hemisphere. In China, Canada is a place where dreams are reality, where everyday life has no struggles, where life gets better. For some, this proves to be true. I, however, did not live the happiest of childhoods.
It might have been the stress of studying; it might have been due to our financial difficulties. Whatever it was, it changed my father's personality dramatically. In my elementary years, he would often smash whatever was in his way. He often beat my mother in spurts of anger. Once, when mother was temporally blinded for a week, we moved out. My mother, a very educated woman, begged for a job at a dollar store to pay for the small apartment with little to spare. In my seventh grade, my father took a job in the States. I'm sure he loved me, no father forgets his only son, but I haven't seen him to this day.
I had not a single friend in middle school. It makes sense, see I shared a bedroom with my mother, emotional eating brought me to a pudgy 200 pounds, and kids in middle school are downright cruel. Surprisingly, school was what took my mind off life. Teachers liked me, I was smart, I studied hard, and I constantly won academic awards in middle school.
As a senior looking back, I can see that high school saved my life. My very first friend introduced me to the world of athletics. I lived in the school gym; I competed in swimming and loved Football and Rugby. It was the athletic environment that allowed my personality to bloom. Before I knew it, everyone at school knew me. Anytime I saw someone who looked sad, I was the first to approach and offer an open ear. I knew just how painful it was to be depressed and have no one to talk to, I lived through it.
Last year, I accomplished a task that not only opened my eyes, but gave me the greatest motivation to live. When I ran for Student Council Executive, I not only won, but I was told that every single ballot had my name on it. This achievement not only proved that hard work pays off, but also that life is worth living.