Leadership and Influence Question
CHEVENING - I hope you could help me to proofread my essay
During my school years, I had been relating leadership to some great occupations such as presidents, generals, people who lead companies, and so on. I used to think that I would never be able to be a leader, and I was never born to be one. However, it strikes me that I have actually been living my life as a leader in the past 5 years, as being an English teacher. I believe that teachers are great leaders with a number of students as our followers who count on us to lead them in reaching their goals. I have developed my communication skill because I am dealing with different kinds of pupils, from children to adults who have varied needs and goals. Moreover, I am also challenged to be great at planning lesson and finding the precise materials to meet their needs. My creativity skill is being shaped since I have to manage an educating and fun classroom environment. Reliance to that, I have been planning the lesson carefully and figuring out the best activities and games which are fun and suitable for the students.
From my working experience in XXX for XYZ School, my leadership skill was pushed even further. I was promoted to be the Internal Coordination who dealt with teaching administration and projects. In every final year, we had to perform a musical drama in the kindergarten farewell event. Doing a project with kindergarten students who are 4 and 5 years old is quiet challenging. I began with choosing suitable and great candidates for the casts and matching their time to practice together since they had different class' schedule. Then, I talked to their homeroom teachers, negotiated about the schedule, and made permission notes to the parents so all of the chosen candidates could be gathered together at one time to practice. It was not a quick process, moreover in the practicing. So much effort was needed to make the kids were familiar and able to act and dance in this musical drama. When the day came, I encouraged the kids to have fun in performing the drama because I believe we had enough practicing and it was the time for them to enjoy it. I was surprised and really appreciate that the kids were able to show their best and had fun during the performance. As a result, the supervisor from the XXX congratulated me for being able to carry out the project, also the parents were happy to see the performance and that their kids was involved in that event.
To recapitulate, being an English teacher and those experience have improved my communication, planning, creativity, administrative management, and problem solving skills which will be beneficial for my career now and in the future. I believe that Chevening will give me more valuable experience and priceless opportunity to meet and share insights with influencers internationally to develop my skills and keep me moving forward in the field of education.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 15461 Yanna, your essay doesn't require proof reading at this point as it still requires content revision. Delete the first paragraph as it is not really relevant to the prompt requirements. Develop the discussion of your leadership and influencing position as an internal coordinator instead. That sounds like a solid enough example to build the presentation of your leadership and inflicting skills. The earlier paragraph just had you talking pointlessly about your theory about leadership. Just get to the point already. You could explain the 2 skills within 3 paragraphs if you needed to. The actual example of your leadership and influencing should in this essay makes it look like an afterthought. Build the revised essay around this event instead. It sounds like it has the potential to be the most relevant example you can provide. You can retain your current closing statement. It is relevant and closes the essay work a strong voice coming from you.
@Holt
Thank you so much for your assistance. I will revise and post it again asap. Hoping you could assist me further. Thank you!
Merged:
This is my 2nd draft of Leadership and Influence Question for Chevening. need comment and correction
I used to think that I would never be able to be a leader, and I was never born to be one. However, it strikes me that I have actually been living my life as a leader in this past 5 years, as being an English teacher. During my employment in XXX, I was chosen to be a deputy for the XXX in its partnership school, XYZ School. Thus, I was not only assigned as an English teacher but also as an Internal Coordinator in XYZ Kindergarten who dealt with teaching administration and projects. One of the projects I should deal with is, in every final year, we have to perform a musical drama in the kindergarten farewell event.
As a new employer, doing a project with kindergarten students who were 4 and 5 years old was quiet challenging. Moreover, teaching them to perform a musical drama that was not in their mother tongue in a short period of time. Hence, I began with choosing suitable and great candidates for the casts and matching their time to practice together since they had different class' schedule. To solve this varied classes schedule, I started discussing with their homeroom teachers, negotiating about the schedule, and making permission notes for the parents so all of the chosen candidates could be gathered together at one time to practice. Fortunately, both the homeroom teachers and parents approved it excitedly. It was not a quick process, mostly in the practicing. So much effort was needed to make the kids were familiar and able to act and dance in this musical drama. When the day came, I encouraged the kids to have fun in performing the drama because I believe we had enough practicing and it was the time for them to enjoy it. I was surprised and really appreciated that the kids were able to show their best and had fun during the performance. As a result, the supervisor from the XXX congratulated me for being able to organise the project, also the parents were delighted to see the performance and thankful also proud that their kids were involved in that event. I am safely able to say that this project was successfully done.
To recapitulate, being an English teacher and those experiences have improved my communication, planning, creativity, administrative management, and problem solving skills which will be beneficial for my career now and in the future. I believe that Chevening will give me more valuable experience and priceless opportunity to meet and share insights with influencers internationally to develop my skills and keep me moving forward in the field of education.@meemary
Dear,
The first line of your first paragraph can be better, I would say it doesn't sound convincing enough to glue the reader to your work.
The work you do is one of the most important jobs in the world, you need to let the reviewer see it. You are appealing to these children's mind, heart and senses to get them to practice and put in their best, so give it more weight.
I had a hard time figuring out what your problem statement was, was it that you were made in charge of a new school division or the task of getting these kids to perform the play? What does the success of this play mean to the school, parents and you? How did this event change the lives of these little ones?
The influencing part is also not too strong, build it up because I love the work you do.
