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How soccer has influenced my life for the past 13 years

RetsPeht 1 / -  
Jan 15, 2014   #1
TOPIC: In a short paragraph, please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences. (250 word limit)

Soccer is a very agile and quick-paced game. You have to constantly be thinking about your next move. The second you lose focus, you can either find yourself lying battered on the grass or desperately running back to recover the ball. And that never changes, no matter where you play.

Whenever I am on the field, my thigh muscles ache and my ankles feel sore from prolonged running. My lungs compress as I vigorously try to catch my breath. However, my mind is liberated from the constant worries that fill my day. I am able to relax and focus solely on my responsibilities as a center midfielder. Sometimes, I compare soccer to a game of chess. Every player has their own unique abilities that they must take full advantage of. In addition, the team is at all times concerned in the safety of their own goal, relentlessly preventing attacks from the opposition. Thus, I perceive soccer not so much as a physical game, but as a strategic one where the creative, ingenious players tend to be the ones who leave the field victorious.

I've played soccer in three different continents in the span of thirteen years. Along the way, I've made just as many friends as I have rivals. In addition, I've had to deal with unjust coaches whose views have greatly conflicted with mine. Nevertheless, I've never given up on soccer. It has been and always will be a source of genuine happiness in my life.
thenewdude 13 / 59  
Jan 15, 2014   #2
Great essay. Short, sweet and I think answers the prompt very well.

Just a few minor suggestions:

My lungs compress as I vigorously try to catch my breath -- I get the point of tired thighs and sore ankles, but the lungs ALWAYS compress and dilate; this is not something specific to rigorous physical activity. Maybe you could say, "The sound of my heartbeats grow louder as I vigorously try to catch my breath."

Nevertheless, I've never given up on soccer -- maybe "Nevertheless, I've never given up". this sounds less repetitive.

Can't think of anything besides this. Good job!

Could you please critique my Colgate and Macalester essays? They are due urgently.

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