the essential role of Networking
Hi, I am planning to apply for the Chevening Scholarship and having a problem with writing the essay. Please read mine and tell me frankly about the contents, grammatical errors, or any other advices about it. Thank you!
Chevening is looking for individuals with strong networking skills, who will engage with the Chevening community and influence and lead others in their chosen profession. Explain how you meet this requirement, using clear examples of your networking skills, and outline how you hope to use these skills in the future.
Networking plays an essential role in supporting professional success. I have spent much time to maintenance my networking since my bachelor stage as I believe it becomes my potential assets to deal with some problems in the future. To highlight such point, I will elaborate my personal experience related to successful networking as a problem solver.
In 2011, I have chosen as a team leader for parenting expo leading 30 people. This event was organized in order to campaign supporting breast-feeding in Purwokerto. However, we had some serious obstacle that we had to overcome. Firstly, it was about people enthusiasm. It was hard for us to attract people attention to join with this event as breast-feeding campaign was totally unfamiliar for them. I eventually contacted the manager of local indie band who has good ability in event organizers. I met him in 2008 when we became a supervisor of national exam. He suggested me that I had to give visitors some presents to attract their attention. We realize providing a present was out of our control, there was no budget allocation for it. We have networking, however, which could provide some present we needed. I contacted my friends in cussons enterprise and I ask his permission to present our project proposal. Finally, after some negotiations, they agree became our key sponsor to provide 200 baby care packages for visitors. This case taught us about how networking had been proven effectively as a strategic solution.
The other obstacle was the sustainability of this program. We committed to make such an event as a starting point for further program of exclusive breast-feeding campaign in our area. We believe that policy maker has a crucial role in supporting our vision. We invited National Nurse Unity Indonesia and representative from health department to celebrate breastfeeding week by attending our event. We succeeded impressing them and they adapted parenting expo as an annual event to campaign exclusive breastfeeding for society. Even though we failed to convince them to make some regulations to support breast-feeding campaign, we believe the process would continue running. We kept monitoring breastfeeding regulation in our city through networking that had been developed previously and we gave some advices needed. Recently, my city becomes one of breastfeeding friendly city in Indonesia where people easy to access breastfeeding room in public area.
I have contacted people frequently by sharing information, ideas and motivation. This is how I maintenance my networking by creating a good relationship. Hence, if I need someone's help one day, they will give it without hesitate. I believe along with Chevening scholarship will enhance my networking skills. Chevening provides a great number of alumni from different background. It gives me a chance to strengthen relationship between United Kingdom, Indonesia, Alumni and scholar. I will collaborate with chevening alumni community in Indonesia to discuss global health issues and organize some breakthrough strategies to overcome health problem in Indonesia.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 13,873 4563
Sofi, you should only provide information on the positive and successful aspects of your networking skills. You should remove the reference to the failure to influence regulations regarding breastfeeding because that indicates a failed network, even though it succeeded on other levels. Your essay has a severe problem when it comes to tense usage. You must refer to everything in past tense such as :
I WAS chosen TO BE a team leader...
When we became THE SUPERVISORS of a ...
He suggested THAT I had...
... along with numerous other corrections to the grammar structure. You could try running this essay through the free grammar editing software online like Grammarly to get you started on the necessary grammatical changes or, you can look up our services and have experts do the editing and revisions to the essay for you. Either ways, you can't go wrong.
Thank you very much for your advice, i will correct my grammar mistake. Btw, how about the content? does my essay already answered chevening question about networking? and how about the coherence and cohesion of my essay?