Scholarship for Master / Fashion Designers often consider themselves artists

Hi Guys,
Thanks in advance for looking into my scholarship Essay.
Guys i need to provide 500 words scholarship essay to obtain a scholarship. Pls review my essay and let me know changes in it.

Fashion Designers often consider themselves artists, and as an artist, grants and scholarships can give you the opportunity to focus on your designs instead of worrying about the cost of books, tuition and supplies.

Being the first child of my family, I have learned value of money in my early ages itself. Both my parent never made it to high school, so they were not involved in my academic life and they really struggled hard to pay my fees till my High school. After finishing my high school at age of 17 i decided to start working instead of doing my graduation so that I help my family financially and help my younger brother to study in high school and later do his graduation.

Though i stopped continuing my studies after my high school, I figured out the purpose education in one's life and what I should be doing to achieve my goals. After working as Sr. Merchandiser for the past 14 yrs, I really posses a good technically knowledge about Fashion Merchandising but I strongly feel that Education is the best tool to sharpen once career and without proper education one will be like a "stagnant water in a pond instead of running water in a stream which would reach his destination".

By studying MA Fashion Business Management Course in your esteemed university, I feel that I could get the academic knowledge related to fashion industry which could fine tune my technical knowledge that I possess and help me to reach to a good position in my career.

After finishing this course, I see myself working as Fashion Buyer for any leading garment companies like Tesco, Walmart etc or maybe even own and run my own boutique shop in years to come. I think I can do all these things which I thought with my industry experience and with the knowledge that I will be obtaining by attending this course.

I always want to be good role model to my sibling and to my colleagues with whom I worked in the last 14 yrs. During my career in Link up Textiles ltd I have seen many young guys who joined my company just to financially support their family. Whenever I see guys like them I used to motivate them and ask them to do their graduation in part time and say them that I am one among you people who sacrificed their life and education for the welfare of their family. And if I happen to get this scholarship I would proudly go and tell those individuals that "If I can achieve this then why can't you also achieve this" and this will create interest about education in their minds and help them to achieve their goals in their life.

I m also planning to take Education loan to pay my fees and accommodation purpose, so by obtaining this scholarship it will reduce my financial burden and I can also use those funds for my sibling graduation.

"Fashion Designers often consider themselves artists, and as an artist, grants and scholarships ..."
I think this sentence is too long, maybe you can make it into two sentence."..Fashion designer...As an artist,..."

Though iI stopped continuing my studies after my high school, I figured outrealized the purposeimportance of education infor one's life and what I should be doing to achieve my goalsthe role it can play in helping me achieve my goals. After working as Sr. Merchandiser for the past 14 yrs, I really possesgained a goodsound technically knowledge about Fashion Merchandising, however,but I strongly feel that Education is the best tool to sharpenonceprogress in career and without proper education one will be like a "stagnant water in a pond instead of running water in a stream which would reach hisits destination

HI pahan,

Thanks for the reply ..i will correct them

Fashion Designers often consider themselves artists and so do I. Therefore I am keen on receiving a grant or a scholarship that can relieve me from financial burdens on tuition, books and other academic expenses and letting me fully concentrate on my artistic designs .

I always want to be a good role model to my sibling and to my colleagues with whom I worked in the last 14 yrs.

I think that you should replace the word "graduation" with, perhaps, "university"? Graduating just means graduating from [high school] or [college].

1.Fashion Designers often consider themselves artists, and as an artist, grants and scholarships can give you the opportunity to focus on your designs instead of worrying about the cost of books, tuition and supplies = Fashion Designers often consider themselves artists, and as an artist, grants and scholarships can give you the opportunity to focus on your designs without worrying about the cost of books, tuition and supplies.

2.Being the first child of my family, I have learned value of money in my early ages itself. = I'm the first child in my family so I have learned value of money in my early ages itself.

I think so, dear :)