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'mathematics and science' - GMS Scholarship subjects which one has excelled



misskkf 1 / 5  
Jan 10, 2012   #1
Hi everyone. Please could anyone help me with feedback on this essay? i know i'm quite down on time but if anyone could help i would be most grateful.

Question: Subjects in which you have excelled and what you attribute your success to:

Walking down memory lane I remember my beloved book of 365 experiments and my first microscopic set at the age of 8 which almost every item in the household dreaded because pretending to be a scientist, I wouldn't let anything pass me by without bringing it to test using my microscopic set. Further down that lane I remember making soap from scratch and testing it for safety, plotting solubility curves, identifying unknown substances, examining an orange-juice powered electrochemical clock, solving logarithmic and exponential expressions, working on trigonometry, running T-tests and chi-squared tests, conducting and analyzing experiments for statistical purposes, and doing many other intriguing things which have fueled my love for mathematics and science over the years. That love and interest which I speak of has definitely been a major part of the reason behind my ability to excel in mathematics and science classes. I have taken classes such as: introduction to technology, geography, technical drawing, economics, , book-keeping, honors physics, honors chemistry 1 & 2, biology, geometry, honors algebra, honors pre-calculus, AP statistics, and further mathematics, just to name a few throughout the span of my education; these subjects have all had some sort of connection to mathematics or science which have enhanced my ability to excel in them, however, that has never given me any reason to neglect the classes which appeal to me less.

My love for mathematics and science has indeed led me along the path of excelling in like subject areas, but certainly has not limited my ability to excel in other subject areas as well, because I am humbly an all-rounder, whose inherent "likes" are quite hard to pick out through grades. I acknowledge the fact that it has been more challenging to excel in subjects which are related to the arts because they are not quite along the lines of my interests, however, that does not warrant failure in those classes, it registers the need for extra work in my mind, which equally comes with the subjects I enjoy as well. From my many math and science classes I have memories of frequenting my teachers' classrooms for extra help, receiving wake-up calls from plummeting grades at certain points, nights of studying and researching scientific and mathematical concepts, and putting in all the extra which Is needed from me. In my opinion, no man is built without challenges, and no challenge is overcome without drudgery. I am an individual who hails from a place where education is a privilege, not a right, and is reserved only for people who can afford it, unlike the United States, where educational opportunities are endless and open to all. Also, I am a firm believer in the role that an education and solid balance in different subject areas plays in building a foundation for greater individuals in general. Having these two things at the back of my mind has given me a mindset which has blown winds of motivation towards me, carrying me along paths of diligence and determination as I journey through my education, embracing every subject for what it offers in making me a valuable and broadly-knowledgeable individual, regardless of the "enjoy" factor behind each subject. I always remind myself that not every subject might be exactly what i enjoy, but each subject is a part of my curriculum for a reason and to impart necessary general knowledge, therefore, I must learn to do well in those areas which I enjoy less as well as the areas which I enjoy more.

Ultimately, I attribute my ability to excel in mathematics and science to the inherent love which I have for them, however, I attribute a big part of that ability to excel to hard work, determination, and a deep understanding of the value of the ability to excel in any subject area at all, whether it be math, science, English, history, or anything at all. Enjoying a class, to me, is not enough; working towards it is what counts, therefore, enjoying math and science is a great motivator for success in the subject area, however, the hard work is what carries one through the journey of bringing that blueprint of success into visible success.

maianh94 6 / 17  
Jan 10, 2012   #2
anything at all

vague

inherent love which I have for them.H owever, I attribute

winds of motivation

too cliched/colloquial (i dont really know the difference)

unlike the United States

personal opinion: sounds like you're bashing the US a bit. might not want to do that

extra which Is needed

extra what?

I am humbly an all-rounder

just, me, but this sounds quite cocky

them.H owever

many other intriguing things

very vague. i think its better to ditch this phrase

Walking down memory lane, I remember my beloved book of 365 experiments and my first microscopic set,at the age of 8 which almost every item in the household dreaded because, pretending to be a scientist, I examined everything beneath the lens .

huge run-on as is

too many run-ons and grammar mistakes. you need to proofread this before you send it in. also, it's a bit dry/too formal. lighten up a bit! lastly, some of your lists are too long. readers want a few examples, not everything you've done. i know that when i was reading it, i skipped through all the lists. in short, cut down on the wordiness and add some "you" into the essay.

dang, only 2 more days, good luck! Help me with my scholarship essay, too!
OP misskkf 1 / 5  
Jan 10, 2012   #3
Thanks! can you tell why i love math and science as opposed to anything English or arts -related? lol . horrible grammar and punctuation! I can say what i mean perfectly, but to write it? i can't! I'm quite discouraged about this scholarship, but i'm applying anyways. I will check out your essay, but seeing that i can barely write a good essay myself, i hope i can make any meaningful corrections. Do you mind helping me with my other essays after i have gone through them once more? I would be REALLLYYY grateful if you could do that for me. I have been looking for someone to help me with them.
greeley 6 / 15  
Jan 11, 2012   #4
Can i ask you a quick question what's your GPA and do you have a lot of awards ?
I was going to do this but after a lot of discouragement decided not to submit
OP misskkf 1 / 5  
Jan 11, 2012   #5
My GPA is a 3.82 (unweighted) and i have about 8 awards. I was VERY discouraged too but i had some people encouraging me to go ahead with it. To be honest with you, i still feel i have no chance because of my horrible writing, grammar, and punctuation, but i am still going to go ahead with it. What's the worst that can happen? that I don't get the scholarship. At least i tried and that's all that matters. Not getting the GMS scholarship wont make me less of who i am i any way. I feel bad that you got discouraged to this point, but i want to tell you to go ahead with any other scholarship which you find. You might have something they're looking for, you never know.
greeley 6 / 15  
Jan 11, 2012   #6
Yeah i have a 3.3 unweighted my GPA dropped a lot junior year. I dont have many awards but i have more than 500 hours of community service and am involved in many activities and have taken 10 AP classes but yeah ohh well , and thanks good luck with everything :)
OP misskkf 1 / 5  
Jan 11, 2012   #7
You would have been fine! but its okay,there's many other fish for you in the sea. Thanks for your well wishes! :)


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