I am a medical student on my way to becoming a physician

Describe which experiences or persons have contributed to your plans to pursue a career in a health-related field. (limit 300)
I really want to make sure I am answering the prompt and not making any silly grammatical errors! Thanks for all the help!

pursuing medicine despite barriers

My grandfather had a passion for medicine, but became a factory worker. My father had a passion for medicine, but became an engineer. I had a passion for medicine, and now I am a medical student on my way to becoming a physician. The difference between our respective outcomes was not intelligence or work ethic, but opportunity. My grandfather grew up in a remote area and in a low-income family. In order to pursue a career in medicine, he would have had to travel far and abandon his family. This was not a feasible endeavor because his family relied on his income. As a result, my grandfather never pursued medicine, but always had aspirations that one of his children would become a doctor. My father shared my grandfather's passion for medicine and with the help of a government scholarship and my grandfather's support, pursued higher education in a nearby city. However, with old age crippling my grandfather's ability to work, coupled with the long and expensive process of becoming a physician, my father abandoned his dreams to support his parents. As an engineer, my father not only cared for my grandparents, but also laid the foundation for my success by encouraging my curiosity in medicine and supporting me financially as best he could.

The struggles overcome by my family members were stepping-stones for me, and I stand on their shoulders as I venture into medicine. I recognize the countless hurdles that still bar many individuals from pursuing medicine because such barriers are a part of my family history. Through programs like the National Student Leadership Conference on Medicine and Healthcare and TuMedPals, I have taken an active role in mentoring students interested in medicine. I hope I too can be a stepping-stone for others to pursue their dreams in healthcare.

Amit, this is a pretty interesting essay. The only critique that I can give you is that the essay is asking you to discuss people who influenced your desire to pursue a health care related field. While your grandfather and father did have medical field aspirations, they did not follow through on their desires to actually be considered an influence upon you. You see, an influence in this instance, is someone whose success in the field inspired you to pursue the same ambition. When you consider that your forebears did not follow through on their dreams, it makes you wonder why you would pursue this field in particular. You need to provide the reason why they inspired you, despite them not having health care related professions. If you can tie their interest in health care with something related that they pursue outside of the their actual profession, then you will be able to use these 2 people as inspirations for your ambition. Additionally, I would not discuss the organizations anymore at this point in your essay because there is not enough room for you to actually develop the sort of influence these activities had on you that inspired your interest in this field. If I were you though, I would reverse it and discuss more of the influence of the organizations on your ambition and just mention in passing that your father and grandfather had an interest in medicine but were unable to pursue it. That would be a more balanced and believable presentation.