'Motivating my team to work toward the objective' - Gates Millenium Scholarship

Being the vice president of the student body government of my high school was unexpected, but it was inspiring. Being a leader influenced me to become a good example for my fellow peers and helped me to build up my self-esteem. As a leader, I had my ups and downs, but it did not break me neither did it pulled me down. It was difficult trying to lead my fellow mates but practicing being in the position helped a lot. It had to take a lot of optimism, patience, communication and courage to be a great leader. At first I failed to fulfill the requirements of these characteristics but going through this experience step by step helped me to achieve these traits of becoming a great leader. How did I achieve these traits of a leader? Communicating with my peers, ensuring them that they understand their individual roles and responsibilities. Setting a good example for my peers on how to work effectively and carry out tasks to the best of their ability. Making decisions that will help the group achieve its objectives. Motivating my team to work toward the objective and to boost morale where it is found to be low. And lastly to award my peers for consistently good work an outstanding contribution to the school. That is how I achieve the traits of becoming a leader. I also became the co-captain of the softball team in my high school, and it was very challenging. I had to take responsibilities to a next level and to lead by actions not by words. Anybody can talk like they are the leader, but like they always say, "action speaks louder than words". This experience helped me to always take charge at all times when in practice, games or even in school. It is not an easy task of being a leader of athletics, people's personality traits like anger can get in the way, but it is our duty as a leader to face it and take whatever consequences and move forward. To be honest I do not know how and why I became a leader in this area, my school chose me. At first I did not agree with it, but as time went by I learned how to accept it and go with it. And I am glad they chose me, because if they did not, I would not know what a leader possesses. This experience becoming a leader helped me to take charge of my future and accomplish every goal I have set for life.

First off, what is this essay supposed to be about? Second, I think you have a lot of grammatical errors in this essay, and awkward sentence structure. For example "It was difficult trying to lead my fellow mates but practicing being in the position helped a lot"...that's awkward. You can change it to "At first, I found it difficult to lead my fellow mates, but with practice in this position I was able to become a great leader." I think you need to revise this essay a bit more and change some awkward sentences, but this is an OK first draft.

As a leader, I had my ups and downs, but it did not break me, neither did it pulled me down.

It was difficult trying to lead my fellow mates, but practicing being in the position helped a lot.

Communicating with my peers, ensuring them that they understood their individual roles and responsibilities.

Setting a good example for my peers on how to work effectively and carry out tasks to the best of their ability.---Not a complete sentence.

...the way, but it is our duty as a leaders to face it and take whatever consequences and move forward.

To be honest, I do not know how and why I became a leader in this area, my school chose me.

I don't know who said it first, but it's true that greatness is sometimes thrust upon you!

:)