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A narrative on what I learned or Something I encountered



JulieRose 4 / 10  
Dec 5, 2013   #1
I was not qualified to sign up but i did anyway. A few students in my school were selected to apply and they did. On the New York State Summer School for the Arts application, I hesitated to select film and video because that was what my teacher taught but I was more interested in photography; so I ticked the little black box. I love photography and I believed that this program would help me to see what photography is like through the perspectives of others. I sent in my portfolio and patiently awaited what was to come.

About two months later, as soon as I came home from school, I started my homework. I hugged and kissed my mother and then she smiled and told that there was a big yellow envelope from the New York State Summer School for the Arts. I picked up the envelope and ripped it open. I read the paper quickly with widened eyeballs from left to right as the thoughts in my head grew. My heart was filled with joy. After all those weeks searching for internships and things to do I finally got accepted to do something I love.

daydreamer08 3 / 6  
Dec 9, 2013   #2
just change a few sentences because they sound a bit awkward and long! like this one: I hesitated to select film and video because that was what my teacher taught but I was more interested in photography; so I ticked the little black box.
dumi 1 / 6793  
Jan 4, 2014   #3
I find this writing is too abstract at the beginning. You signed up what? Then again you talk about your teacher's involvement. You give too much work to the reader to sort out your ideas and their flow, which the reader would not willingly do. :D

I strongly feel you should re-write this section. Organize your ideas in a more logical order.


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