Networking, whether formal or informal style, needs to establish cognition...

Hi, moderators and friends,

Please help me correcting my errors for any wrong grammar and collocation. Thank You

Networking, whether formal or informal style, needs to establish cognition on how to communicate and build a relationship with others. I believe that I have trained myself this social ability to connect and link people together in order to produce a stronger association.

The first activity which challenged me to operate networking skill during a junior year at my former university was a volunteer camp to help farmers in a rural territory, held by animal husbandry club. As a club secretary, I had to facilitate the links between the committee, members and outside sponsors to ensure that the camp preparation was still on progress. This role had to be a good communicator, luckily I am personally generous and friendly, and my speaking skill was quite fluent, encouraging me to announce a camp's agenda to members, contact the outside organizations and an authority at the remote area for our arrivals and report the sponsors how we manage their subsidised grant. As a result, the camp was successfully consisted of 100 volunteers, 3 days of an animal production training and livestock house construction. Eventually, this initial networking skill have unconsciously innovated me to socialize people in my recent career.

The most recent networking skill I have associated with people was mainly in research and training. Last year, between May and December 2015, I received a grant from the National Research Council to broaden an international knowledge from my research namely a deep - litter pig production system. My project, was one of projects initiated by His Majesty King, and aimed to be applicable for schools, pig farmers and rural farmers. Firstly, I used my skill by contacting an educational area district office to seek for a school that looking for my topic, informed Chumphon Provincial Farmers Council office to ask for pig farmers group that would like to try a new method, and met a deputy chief executive of the subdistrict administrative organization to open an application for rural farmers whose earnings were estimated lower than the national income. There were totally 100 trainees from those 3 different categories. Throughout the training, I taught these learners the core principles of applied science, sustainable agriculture as well as livestock production by theories and practical disciplines. In August, while my workplace was holding the science fair, my networking school which I have just trained them accepted an invitation and presented their impressive exhibition. My networking school has not only participated in local activities, but also won the first place of the national award for the best practice of sufficient - supplementing program. Moreover, with my guidance, the pig farmers have also achieved a monetary support to extend their environmental - friendly pig production practice which I have planned to invite them as my network for further research and study.

If I become a part of Chievening, I would directly expand a network back in my country with my international association with in UK, especially with an animal welfare principle for more understanding to animals.

Phoowadon, I believe that you should be concentrating the essay more on your networking skills that became evident at the National Research Council. This particular part of your experience delves on your professional aspect and proves the important networking skills that are required for in-demand positions and events. The Animal Husbandry club networking that you did is not nearly as impressive as the latter. Therefore, it would be in your best interest to use the experience that will best show off your networking skills. All you have to do is better develop your duties and responsibilities during this time. Ensure that the information you will be delivering will always go back to the importance and quality of your networking skills.

Don't use the part about your networking school. From what I read, it speaks and provides more information about the school rather than your participation in a networking ability. Always make sure that you are at the center of the essay. There is no need to discuss the accomplishments of your school. All that matters, are your accomplishments in relation to networking. Keep the spotlight on that topic.

@Holt
Thanks a lot !
I will think about it and take some more time to revise.
One more question, what about my errors in this essay, have you found any?

Yes, there are some grammar problems with the essay. Sometimes there are missing connecting words and problems with tense usage. The overall vocabulary use is simple enough to show that you are comfortable with the English language, even though you have some problems with sentence development. These are minor problems at the moment. What you should concentrate on for now, are the points I previously pointed out. Let's concentrate on getting the final essay content perfected for now. You will find that the essay format will fall into place and automatically be corrected as we progress with the editing and revising of the paragraph structures in the near future.

Bear in mind that you need to present a more polished paragraph structure in order to convince the reviewer that you are an academically and professionally prepared individual who will thrive in graduate school. You already have the seeds of that planted in your current essay. So perfecting this will not be a huge problem for you. I'll be here to supervise the final development of your essay when you are ready to do that.

In paragraph two,
... the camp preparation was still on in progress.

and (deliver) report (to) the sponsors how we ...
words in blues should be added

please use this as guide by answering the following questions

Personality Traits

1. Be enthusiastic -are you enthusiastic about networking

2. Be organised

3. Be a nice person.

4. Be generous... and have a giving spirit.

5. Be reliable to build trust.
6. Be persistent if you spot an opportunity. are you persistent?

7. Be patient

Personal Qualities and Skills

8. Ask the right questions..

9. Listen actively.

10. Get your timings right.

what are the outstanding qualities/skills you possess that makes you unique and qualified?

hope it help?

@HOLT,
I am appreciated for your intellectual instruction above, I have revised it, being concentrated on my networking skill with the National Research Council, so far I have decided to change my job with the National Research Council for my first professional networking skill. .n addition, I would presented my most recent one as my current job, as a secretary of a national academic journal which was established by my university where I have worked. This job is academically involved many academics and experts with the larger networking and consists of 2 issues 1) the science and technology, and 2) the social sciences and humanities. Its purpose is to disseminate research results and academic performance between students, researchers, and academics that will lead to academic progress of the nation. The goal is to develop a national magazine as a reference (Thailand Citation Index; TCI).

Do you think I am on the right path?
Thanks in advance.

@Chikomm,

Yes, it helps

I will have my time to visit your essays,too,
Thanks

Hi Phoowadon. I would rather see the revised essay than just rely on your explanation at this point. I need to be able to tell if the information you want to use is applicable to the overall context of the essay. So what you have to do at this point is revise the essay and post it here. It sounds like it is applicable, I just can't be totally sure as of this moment. I can better judge the information you provided once I see how it blends in with the rest of the essay.

Make sure to mention the kind of networking involved with the job and if possible name the notable names that may be familiar to the reviewer that are part of the network you created. If you mention some names the reviewer may be familiar with, you just might be able to convince him that you are prepared enough to attend masters degree school. That will also help the rest of the essay blend in with each other in a more comfortable form for the reader.

Hi, Holt

Eventually, I have decided to concentrate only on my most recent task with the National Research Council, like you suggested.

Here is my revised essay.---->

Networking needs to establish cognition on how to communicate and build a relationship with others. I believe that I have trained myself this social ability to connect and link people together in order to produce a stronger association.

The most recent task which challenged me to operate networking skill during a full - time job was mainly in research and training. Last year, between May and December 2015, I received a grant from the National Research Council namely a deep - litter pig production system, was one of a well-being pig keeping systems, and aimed to be applicable for schools, pig farmers and rural villagers. I attempted to use my networking skill by inviting together a large group of numerous stakeholders. [...]

The first paragraph is superfluous and can be deleted. The second paragraph, runs too long. Remember that when a paragraph gets too long, it becomes taxing for the reader. Please review the paragraph and divide it into subsections, by creating new paragraphs whenever possible. That is easy to do. Just remember the basic rule of paragraphing, one topic -- one paragraph. Therefore, your current paragraph can be divided into at least 3 or 4 paragraphs. This will create a more relaxed reading atmosphere and allow the reader to better understand the information being presented. The last paragraph is also not necessary in this case so you can delete that as well. A direct to the point answer is always highly appreciated by the reviewer. If you present your information immediately, your essay will be better received by the reviewer.

@Holt
Thanks again, but honestly, What the instruction from this module from Chevening is "outline how you hope to use these skills in the future". So the last paragraph you have mentioned that I would better delete is that will act against this?

Regards.

As the instruction dictates, you need to outline your plans as to how you will use Chevening in relation to your masters degree in the future. The reason that I told you it was irrelevant is because, in its current form, it really is not very useful to your essay. You need to learn how to develop a paragraph that can truly represent the final requirement of the essay.

You need to add more information to that paragraph. Make it longer by writing a more detailed description of how you will connect the work you will do back home, with your role as an alumna of the Chevening Scholarship program. You need to create a clear relationship between your studies, your work back home, and how you will manage to continue to promote the objectives of the scholarship within your workplace and community.

Hi, Holt

How about this second revised one

I believe that I have trained myself this social ability to connect and link people together in order to produce a stronger association in my certain profession.

The most recent task which ...

P.S. You shall notice that I have borrowed some of your elaborate clauses here, please excuse me for this.

Hey Phoowadon ! Don't worry about it. I am actually honored that you thought my words good enough to include in your essay. You are always welcome to use any of the statements I make in the improvement of your paper if you feel it can be of help. You don't even need to tell me about it. I'm happy to help you in any way I can. So, I've analyzed the essay yet again, hoping to finalize the content for you. Guess what? We are officially done with the content edits of this essay. The message is clear, the intention is well represented, and the prompt is completely discussed. No other work to be done. This is as ready as it can be, Congratulations on completing the essay!

@Holt
But Holt, as I am am academic officer who loves to research. I just traveled through your instructions which already helped others and I have found a good one :-)

So far, I am re creating the better one that I hope to response the task more clear.
...
Give me sometime, I will be right back.

Many THANKs

@Holt

...
How about this newest one
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I believe that I have trained myself this social ability to connect and link people together in order to produce a stronger association in my certain profession.

The most recent task which challenged me to operate networking skill during a full - time job was mainly in research and training. Last year, between May and December 2015, I received a grant from the National Research Council namely a deep - litter pig production system, was one of a well-being pig keeping systems, and aimed to be applicable for schools, pig farmers and rural villagers. I attempted to use my networking skill by inviting together a large group of numerous stakeholders.

Firstly, for a training group 1) I contacted with an educational area district office to seek for a school that looking for my topic, 2) I informed Chumphon Provincial Farmers Council office to ask for pig farmers group that would like to try a new method to improve their skills, and 3) I also visited a deputy chief executive of the sub district administrative organization to open an application for rural villagers whose earnings were estimated lower than the national income. Subsequently after these three target groups had been interested in my project. I realized that it was involved various fields of skills, without cooperation, I would never achieved its excellent results.

Hence, my staffs then were teamed up, secondly, for a research-education-extension group, I made an approach to an expert in the social science field to be responsible for a focus group and analyze trainees' local abilities, resources, and cultural practices to create achievable courses that are compatible with them. The next ones were my colleagues who would take care of relevant documentation and other related activities. And two lecturers, the first one was me who taught the principles of the knowledge from researches, the second one was my on-farm research net-worker to share professional skills via his experience.

Throughout the training, I taught these learners academically along side with giving everyone a chance to speak, allowed this network flexible and informal, plan diverse activities and meetings, and share responsibilities whenever a group working-style has sat up. Later In August, my networking school has won the first place of the national award for the best practice in sustainable agriculture activity. Moreover, with my guidance, the pig farmers and the rural villagers have also achieved a monetary support by the government to extend their deep-litter pig production, resulted in presence of farmer-to-farmer networks themselves.

I am confident that my previous skills would allow me to build larger animal welfare networks with Chevening; members encompass the moral people from diverse profession but one vision that animals have the rights to live well as long as they are alive. This would run by my campus, and has me as a catalyst in animal welfare controversial issues for better understanding leads within my workplace and community. Thus, my role as an alumna is to utilize my skills internationally gained from the United Kingdom.

Many THANKs@Phoowadon