NZAS scholarship : Why did you decide to apply to study in New Zealand or other Pacific location?

Please fix my essay, now I'm in a stuck and don't know anything to write in
Why did you decide to apply to study in New Zealand or other Pacific location? (max. 250 words)

Renewable energy in Indonesia, relations with New Zealand

New Zealand has a long and successful history in the development of renewable energy resources. There is now some growth in research funding, strong participation in research by industry partners, and the training and courses in New Zealand. I believe if I propose the study in New Zealand I will increase my capacity in developing the technology and manage renewable energy in my country. It gives me the chance to gain knowledge directly from well-known experts in New Zealand. It will support the Indonesian Government`s plans to increase its energy production by providing specialized engineers in Indonesia. Friendly relations between Indonesia and New Zealand that have been continuous over the past decades also giving a lot of opportunities to study for Indonesian student like me.

Thanks, essays experts :)

Hi, @rochamukti. Here are some of my insights:

1. I think you could elaborate more on how you will achieve your ultimate objectives for your country--as stated in "I will increase my capacity in developing the technology..." and "It will support the Indonesian Government`s plans to increase ..."--with more specific plans. You could add some experiences and in what capacity you are currently doing with your job.

2. "Friendly relations between Indonesia and New Zealand that have been continuous ..." This is not related with your previous stated objectives. I think you could omit this sentence so you can elaborate more portion on more important points.

Hope it helps!

Rochamukti, when you respond to this particular prompt, you have to make sure that you actually have a direct motivation for your decision. Since this question is country and region specific instead of university specific, then you need to be familiar with the country or region's government or academic programs related to your chosen major or masters degree. Right now, you are representing what you hope to achieve rather than what the country offers you in terms of educational benefits, specially as a member or student of one their universities. A better response to the question would have to be related to the university that you have chosen to attend. Hypothetical responses such as what you provided here does not help to justify and strengthen your decision to study in New Zealand. In this instance, you have to be more convincing in your response. Deliver a sense of certainty in your writing. Remove the apprehensive tone that currently exists in your response.

Hi @rochamukti
Try to do some research about NZ and the university you are going to. What can they support to you? Is it the mixed culture, number of international students, weather and specific courses perhaps. It will be great if you find something that the other country or region doesn't have, eg. internship program related to your future study.

Thanks everyone. I will add sentences about the research opportunity in university I am going to apply. :)