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Objective Study Essay for AMINEF Fulbrigt Scholarship, Master in Industrial Design



firmanikhsan 1 / -  
Feb 7, 2017   #1
Dear Essay Experts

This is my Objective Study Essay for scholarship application.

The tasks are:
1. A clear and detailed description of your study objectives.
2. Give your reason for wanting to pursue them in the U.S.
3. Describe the kind of program you expect to undertake
4. Explain how your proposed field of study fits in with your educational background, your professional background, your future objectives, and your future involvement in community development.


I need your excellent review
Thanks in advance :)

Study Objective - my path



Our everyday life, started from waking up until ready to go to the bed again, always exposed to products resulted from industrial design practices. Ranging from a tooth brush to a jet plane, those are essential to solve our problems and make our life easier. That's why I am interested for a Master's program in Engineering, focusing on Industrial Design field. I am fascinated in learning and conducting research in product design, human centered design, and manufacturing process. Studying this area will enable me to gain proficiency for combining science, arts and technology to create immense products that can improve people's life experience.

This program is strongly related to my previous education. I graduated with honor from University of Indonesia, majoring in Mechanical Engineering. During my Bachelor's study, I learned about mechanical design principles and material engineering that provided me the knowledge required for design practices. Moreover, outside the campus, I have completed some projects on product design. My work and organization are causing me to actively involved in research on mechanical product design and development. Currently, I worked at Robotics Laboratory in Surya University as Mechanical Designer. My task mainly focused on developing a concept for a products or a system, based on client's requirement. My clients are stretched from start-up business to national military institution. Recently, a wearable robot that I designed is published by national television as the first ever made in Indonesia. So it is clear that my background is well aligned with my future study.

In the Master's Program, I plan to conduct research about Design Problems and Processes. Within this domain, I want to concentrate in design parameters and manufacturing technology, as well as humanity side such as emotional and aesthetic factor of product design. During my professional work, I received myriad of project design offers from prospective clients, especially from governmental institution to realize their idea into a working products or system. However, I have to turned it down because with my limited knowledge in product design, I can only implementing my comprehension from mechanical and engineering side. This study will equipped me with critical and creative thinking to compare and test methods, and to seek discoveries through the analysis and synthesis of cross-disciplinary approaches and the application of design thinking.

After graduate, my goal is to be a professional in industrial design, developing an Industrial Design Center institution in Indonesia, that growing the innovative and conceptual design practices. In my country, local products are being outmarketed by the imported ones because the concept did not well designed. Lack of innovation is a major problem that causing the monotonous style and plagiarism. Inadequacy of production awareness is another factor that made them more expensive compared to imported products. I would like to be build a collaboration between governments, local designers dan industrial manufacturers. With a vigorous connection between them, they can share design ideas and challenges, and realize it into marketable products. The design will be more feasible to produced, even with local materials available. I also intend to actively participated in product design event like Black Innovation Award and other design conferences to expand my networking.

Studying Industrial Design in United States is necessary to accomplish my future goals. America is a top ranked country in the field of design. I will be able to explore advanced theories and technologies supported by sophisticated laboratories and studios in University. With your vast resources of top quality designer from various backgrounds and cultures, it will enrich my study experience and outcome. Furthermore, I can heavily participate in international event like Red Dot Award and TED conferences to prepared me to become a professional in Industrial Design.

Riyan Mudastsir 2 / 1  
Feb 7, 2017   #2
Dear Firman,

As a I read your essay, i think you should put appropiate a and the in the sentences. As i know, in the opinion essay you should put a rather than the. The is needed to say something if both you and the reader know which/what do you exactly mean. Please see the paragraph 2, refer to the knolwdge. Forgivinng me if i mad a mistake, thank you. Good Luck
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15384  
Feb 7, 2017   #3
Firman, reading your essay really causes severe stress on the reader due to the tense usage problems that exist within it. You use the past and present tenses in an interchanged manner. That means that you use past tense when you should be using present tense and you use present tense when you must use past tense. This clue should be sufficient enough for you to easily spot where the grammar corrections are required within your essay. Your opening statement can only be describe in one word, boring. It does not excite the reviewer to read it because it does not help to establish your study objectives from the very start of the essay. It is a wandering opening statement that does not belong in the essay. The first two paragraphs of your essay needs to be reworked badly because you were unable to entice the reader to keep reading your essay. Try to present your study objectives at the very start, as required by the essay. Don't bother with long winded opening statements. The reviewer does not have the time to read that nor the inclination to have to search for where the actual information as required by the prompt exists in your essay. The latter part seems to better respond to the prompt requirements but, as I said, got bogged down by the grammatical errors. Hopefully, you can correct the tense problems first so that most of the essay problems will be fixed.


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