Objectives upon completion of degree / Contribution to the home country as an effect of scholarship.

Hi guys, i faced troubles with power and i was waiting for it , i have to send attach this essay as soon as possible, so please help me

I apply for vice chancellor scholarship and the question of this scholarship about your objectives upon completion of your degree and demonstrate how your exceptional extra-curricular activities with particular focus on leadership and enterprise and your chosen degree will help you make a contribution to your home country upon your return

It must be 500 words

Spare me to win glory's forbidden prize,Glory in hardship , sloth in comfort lies . Em'enence is not with cheap comfort bought ,hear the honey gathers bee-stung cries . ''AlMutanabbi,Arabic poet'' these words reminded me of the days when moved from the founder of compaign and working as a volunteer for three years to help students in both college English language and my previous college faculty of applied science through my studying undergraduate degree that gives

me a sense of purpose and achievement, whilst enabling me to
communicate in an empathic and systematic manners, i have
learnt how to take control and organise different activities. I have
always been interested in the wellbeing of others reaching
to translator during the three wars on Gaza city . despite the dangerous situation where I was i knew i that I will be killed because all wars against my city were the most aggressive, it targeted everything can be moved. This experience taught me love to live in hate of death ..it is further supported me by my work in

speech and writing , when I have both delivered and judged speeches and
debates, teaching me how to assess objectively and give constructive
and positive feedback.
after the last war i have taken courses in English writing ,medical and political translation. I didn't stop at this point, but also i used the hours of electricity when it was on to gain new experience by taking courses relate to the origions of langauges such as french,Turkish and Persian language by distance learning with international universities from Spain,Astralia,south Africa,USA ,Canada and Britain. till i broaden my social life, I experience new skills such as how to learn Catalan languages speaking with hands hearing with eyes courses , i feel that those people who used this language are exiled in the language so i initiate myself to share some of my time to talk with friends who can't speak like us , am trying to varied my background in Business , and project management because it gives me it reinforce discipline, dedication and performance skills.

Not only to take courses in how to improve my knowledge but also i take courses relate to the beauty i know that the translator must be marvellous in looking ,solmn and neat . Despite the challenges that i faced like to be the first generation of my family to study abroad , the restricted society that prevent girls to study what they want Because she is a girl , all these troubles don't prevent me to reach my dream as the embassador of language in the world

At present I have only just ventured into the translation and how to speak other langauges and I am eager to dive in this world . After graduation i would like to set up my own

international languages and translation unit in my country to assiss talented students who interested in various cultures and languages. I will try to employ the translators of by making agreement with news agencies to translate news into other langauges, I believe that the land will expand as much as my dreams, so I am looking for making this unit bridge construction with domestic and international universities, I have a spired to lead this unit ,i will arrange meetings, foreign delegations delegated responsibilities, and edited the final reports .this scholarship will give me opportunity to be Belfast Queen university representative for palestinian students to help them

And listen to prospectuses and remain uninvolved, and follow certain guidelines on how to deal with any
situation.
It will be the most rewarding experience at this pointing in my life.
I will do my very best to help students on how they can invest their knowledge ,new skills in the most needy side of the world of English language.

I understand that the arts of translation master degree is a highly demanding course
and needs dedication and hard work

I myself as a very capable and enthusiastic person who will grasp this
challenging degree with both hands to further my academic potential
and become an asset to your university

Sawsan, before seeing the essay content, I would to give you some corrections and feedback towards your grammatical range and accuracy. This will be beneficial, since the examiner will also consider how well-organized your essay is. So, I assume that you need a lot of works done to revise this essay in a short period of time, because you need to send it as soon as possible. However, I think that perhaps if you need a quick assistance towards your essay, you can put your essay as an urgent essay, and therefore your essay will get a comprehensive, professional, and constructive feedback from one of our best contributors in this forum.

Concerning grammar and punctuation errors, you can check the descriptions below:
- instead of this ...forbidden prize,Glory in hardship , sloth in comfort lies . it should be like this ...forbidden prize, glory in hardship and sloth in comfort lies.(You can clearly notice that space and commas are essential, meaning can be shifted if you carelessly put commas and spaces)

- Em'enence is not with cheap comfort bought ,hear the ... it should be like this Em'enence is not with cheap comfort bought, hear the... (same issue as above)

- ''AlMutanabbi, Arabic poet'' (space needed)
- ...the founder of compaigncampaign and... (spelling error)

instead of this:
my previous college faculty of applied science
... during the three wars on Gaza city .

better like this:
my previous college faculty of applied science through my studying undergraduate degree that gives me a sense of purpose and achievement, whilst enabling me to communicate in an emphatic and systematic manners, i have learnt how to take control and organise different activities. I have always been interested in the well-being of others reaching to translator during the three wars on Gaza city.

- despiteDespite the dangerous situation where I was i knew i that I will be killed because all wars against my city were the most aggressive, it targeted everything thatcan be moved.

instead of this:
This experience taught me love to live in hate of death ..

better like this:
This experience taught me love to live in hate of death. It is further supported me by my work in speech and writing, when I have both delivered and judged speeches and debates, teaching me how to assess objectively and give constructive and positive feedback.

There you are Sawsan, for the rest of the essay, you can re-check and do proofread in order to make your essay better. I have read the content, I notice that the story in your essay was really touching experience. You were struggling hard to learn many things, especially in relation to pursuing academic achievements in the middle of the war. I hope that you can get this scholarship in order to contribute more in your home country in Palestine. Good Luck :)

Thank you so much for correction
Unfortunately I can't send the essay because I didn't catch up the deadline
It was on 23:59
15 May 2016
I went crazy , didn't know how i can send it
The main reasons behind this are the power crisis
It was my only chance
By the way i shouldn't grieve, indeed the God with me
I really appreciate your help
Thank you from my heart

Hi Sawsana, it's indeed a pity that you were not able to send out your essay, it could've been a good one.
Well, not to grieve on things that has passed already, look forward to an even brighter future and never hesitate to continue writing and better yourself in this craft.

Now, when it comes to your writing, I believe you still need a lot of practice on sentence construction, you tend to pour all your ideas in one sentence that you forget to elaborate them, input details and more importantly, add the essence of the idea you are trying to incorporate in your sentences. This can definitely improve with the help of practice, a day to day practice writing will let you see how you progress in your sentence assembly and the overall grammar and flow of the essay.

Lastly, as you are practicing, compile your drafts in a folder or a notebook, this way you will be able to notice which part of your practice needs help, improvement and you will be able to do the necessary changes. This will also greatly help in coming up with better approacg in the essays to come.

Thank you
Actually i wrote this essay so fast to catch up the deadline that's why I have all those mistakes
Iam trying to edit it because i will send it even if i can't get the scholarship

Hi Sawsana, here's a few minor modifications;

- mind the capitalization of certain words such as "I", it may be just a letter but as you know, it's a very powerful letter, it can stand alone and it says more than it represents.

- "I am always trying", I suggest we change this to - "I strive to", I believe this is more appropriate to your essay.

- "At present I have only just ", change this to - " I have recently ", this phrase can give a rather formal emphasis on your essay.

Moving forward, I believe you manage to come up with a much stronger essay, I also notice that you have come to a smooth progress from the previous writing that you showed here on EF and I hope you follow through.

Good luck in your submission, do let us know what happens, we would love to hear from you. Keep writing.

@justivy03 thank you for your help
Actually I am trying to do my very best to improve writing skill
Yes i will tell you good news when I get it insha allah
Thanks again ☺

Hi Sawsan, it's good to hear from you once again.
I was looking at a few articles and writing projects and I have not seen anything from you, I was guessing you were busy with other activities other than writing.

Further to your writing projects and future reference, mind the suggestions given to you by, not only this website, but also other suggestions you may receive from other people. Know that all suggestions are aimed at giving you the best and most comprehensive feedback in order for you to come up with an even stronger essay. Remember to review the English language and observe the association of your words whenever you write, this will give you a clearer picture and a better outcome of your articles.

Keep writing and I hope to review more of your articles soon.