Pioneer trailblazing research in several fields - Essay for UK Scholarship Application

Scholarship Application

Hi! I'm applying to Warwick University's undergraduate scholarship. The scholarship requires an essay of 400 words. These are the prompts:

The objective is to learn more about what motivates you, how your excellence might benefit the Warwick community and how you hope your learning and experience at Warwick will help you make the World a better place once you graduate.

Answers can reference academic attainment, extracurricular successes and personal achievement but should not be a copy of the personal statement. You may write in essay or extended bullet point form but please don't simply write a list. You should provide context and relevance to the objectives above. Responses are limited to 400 words.

This is my essay:

Throughout high school, I always felt I learned better in a challenging, competitive environment that compelled me to push myself in every lesson. I enjoyed going through external resources and learning in greater depth about aspects of subjects. This propelled me to test my knowledge on a national scale. During these travails, I achieved the honor of becoming the UAE National Champion in Royal Spelling Bee (2017, 2018 and 2019), MaRRs International Math Bee and IOF Cyber and English Olympiads. In Year 11, I was unanimously elected Head Boy for the year 2019-2020, and led the student council appreciably, implementing several positive changes.

While I could have studied three A Level subjects, as is the norm at my school, my passion for Mathematics coupled with a drive to "stand out" urged me to take up the challenge of learning the rigorous A Level Mathematics course independently. It was a grueling but enriching journey, one that tested and enhanced my determination and commitment, and taught me more than just numbers and figures.

At present, I am working on my Cambridge EPQ (CIPQ) project, which I saw as the perfect opportunity to combine my inquisitiveness in biochemistry and desire to hone critical research skills to yield a productive, materialistic product: a research report, in which I explored the mechanism behind the origin of cancers and the potential of current genetic tools in effectively nullifying the malicious disease. It was through this project that I became aware of the immense potential that nanoparticles hold in future biomedicine and energy production. This eventually developed into a long-term career motive.

I first joined Young Talents Cricket Academy in 2017. Nearly five years of training and hundreds of sessions later, I developed my fast bowling skills, and regularly opened the bowling in U-16 and U-19 provincial matches. During weekends and school breaks, I often tutor my classmates online and volunteer for positive causes. I also participate in Sri Lankan Independence Day celebrations as the flagbearer. At Warwick, I hope to build on these practices by playing for Warwick's cricket team and volunteering in schools, student-led projects and local organizations.

By pursuing a degree at Warwick, an institution reputed to pioneer trailblazing research in several fields, I hope to equip myself with the technical tools required to contribute to the discovery of new medical applications of nanoparticles, a significant breakthrough in disease diagnosis and treatment. After graduating and gaining sufficient professional experience, I would like to start a biomedical center in Sri Lanka to serve the underprivileged. I also hope to help break down the financial barrier that hinders the dreams of so many deserving students, by contributing funds to scholarships such as Warwick's.

The writer can do better than to simply present an extended bullet form of his accomplishments. Having read the full response, will have to say that the response is extensive but lacking in terms of personal connection and development. Accomplishments that have been listed lack motivating factors as a reference, making the presentation little responsive to the prompt. The student must strive to show how all these factors connect to create a single post study career goal with the aid of a Warwick education.

The awards obtained and sports interests do not really spell out any outstanding capacity on the part of the applicant. Therefore his contribution to the development and enhancement of the Warwick community is unremarkable. The facts presented are common for most applicants, making these references less impressive in scale.

The applicant needs unique stand out moments and motivations to get ahead of the pack. Maybe focusing more on his research and what he hopes to accomplish at the end can help accomplish that.