Plan after college - PROOFREADING! Scholarship Short Answer

What are your plans upon graduation from college or graduate school?

After graduating, I want to work for a global industry that will offer opportunities to travel abroad. I want to stretch my intellectual and creative horizons in diversity and utilize my talent in medical application around the world. While doing so, I plan to meet the needs of the fatherless children by giving selflessly for the needs of those families. Additionally, I would like to start a scholarship foundation for those children and encourage them to strive for higher education. Lastly, I aspire to be in a TED talk. I would like to stand on that platform one day and share my story to inspire young students. I will always strive to mature in the virtues of an excellent engineer, so that I can give the best version of me for the next generation of young student while demonstrating the virtues of a proud Aggie.

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Please give me feedback. Please keep in mind, will you give this person money? If not, how can you help this person to improve the essay?

Thank you so much!
Sohee Next time suspension for useless topic title.

@tamu
Hi there!

I suggest to firstly try to categorize your writing in a more efficient and well-rounded manner. Try to focus, for instance, on explaining your short-term plans before the long-term ones. Creating this distinction will help you elaborate your thoughts more extensively and with more detail. When you're writing these types of content, it's also critical that you're trying to be as elaborate as possible. Try to be more specific. Create a step by step plan on how you plan to achieve these goals. Remember to also be realistic in the process. In the instance that you are unable to fulfill these requirements, how do you plan to go about it? What values do you wish to incorporate into your aspirations to create a more sentimental approach and a more empathetic feel of the situation?

Best of luck as always!