'I plan to major in biology' - Scholarship Louisville

How will your upcoming educational experience contribute to your future commitment of uplifting your campus community and/or the community at large?

I am eager to apply my energy and passion to learn to the University of Louisville. I plan to major in biology and I believe that the biology department will help me achieve my educational goals. I aspire to be a physician...

I seriously need aid in this essay. I have written so many essays that Ive hit a blank wall. I simply just dont know what to write. Could you help me?

Hi, I can try to help:

I am eager to apply my energy and passion to learn to the University of Louisville. I plan to major in biology and I believe that the biology department will help me achieve my educational goals. I aspire to be a physician...

You are off to a good start. I would elaborate on what you have already written. Say something interesting about yourself, make it personal, so that it stands out. What are you passionate about, what makes you inspired or fascinated? Is there something specific about the campus that really attracts you? It could something simple. Try to be unique, so many of these essays end up sounding generic. You are a person with a plan, briefly talk about the plan (physician) List a few things that will be "stepping stones" on your path to a successful career. Through these things, your short-term goals will be complete (here you can state a few things that you could contribute to the college) Then you can explain what a difference you will make in your community as a doctor (your long-term goal) You will be fine, don't worry- writer's block is challenging! Good luck in school :)

Fabulous! You did this nicely. I highlighted a few things that you may want to change- they are just suggestions. I hope you feel better about your paper now :) I wish yo the best of luck!

Thank you SOOOOOO much!!!!! I am not finished with the essay, I still have to answer the other half of the question. If i write it could you review it also? I have to finish this tonight. but THANK YOU SO MUCH. VITURAL HUGGGGGGG lol i promise im not a creeper, just a sorta stressed senior in high school LOL :) thank you again

My scholarship Essay needs review. Please could someone read, and review my essay? :)

How will your upcoming educational experience contribute to your future commitment of uplifting your campus community and/or the community at large?

I am eager to apply my energy and passion for learning to the University of Louisville. I plan to major in biology, and I believe that the biology department will help me achieve my educational goals. I enjoy science because it allows for critical analysis of theories and vast experimentation which leads to new solutions. In the future, I am interested in the opportunity to apply my biology degree to help the community. I plan to use my education in biology to positively impact my own community. Helping people is my passion, and a background in biology is essential. I aspire to become an Obstetrician/Gynecologist (OB/GYN). An OB/GYN is a physician who specializes in obstetrics and gynecology. Obstetrics is a branch of medical science that deals with the delivery in childbirth. Gynecology is a branch of medical science that deals with diseases and routine physical care of the reproductive system of women. Although the process of achieving a medical career is very challenging, I am confident that with dedication to my studies and with the guidance from the University of Louisville, I will be able to achieve this goal. I am dedicated to work hard, focus and learn from my future U of L professors. To further my insight in entering the health career field, I have been a blood drive committee member for two years. This allows me to volunteer at my high school for the Hoxworth blood drives. The blood drive committee has given me the chance to shadow a Phlebotomist. A Phlebotomist is a nurse or health trained worker in drawing venous blood for testing and/or donation. I was able to learn with a medical team. I also participated in the Health Research Youth Academy,during the summer of 2011. I shadowed physicians, researched cancers, and had physiology lectures. In the future I will make a commitment to continue my blood committee volunteer work and my summer research studies. Not only will this uplift the campus of U of L it will benefit the community at large because... ( IM NOT FINISH) ( How can I end this essay and answer the 2nd question at the same time?)

I plan to major in biology, and I believe that the biology department will help me achieve my educational goals.

This sentence should either be changed into something less simple, or should be merged into the next sentence...like this :

I very much enjoy, and plan to major in biology because it allows for critical analysis of theories and vast experimentation which leads to new solutions.

In the future, I am interested in the opportunity to apply my biology degree to help the community. I plan to use my education in biology to positively impact my own community.

those sentences are redundant.

An OB/GYN is a physician who specializes in obstetrics and gynecology. Obstetrics is a branch of medical science that deals with the delivery in childbirth. Gynecology is a branch of medical science that deals with diseases and routine physical care of the reproductive system of women.

you don't need to explain what you want to do - most people know what an OBGYN is. state more WHY you want to do it and HOW it will help the community like you say.

Although the process of achieving a medical career is very challenging, I am confident that with dedication to my studies and with the guidance from the University of Louisville, I will be able to achieve this goal. I am dedicated to work hard, focus and learn from my future U of L professors.

Very good, i like this sentence a lot. But i think it should be placed toward the end maybe.

To further my insight in entering the health career field, I have been a blood drive committee member for two years. This allows me to volunteer at my high school for the Hoxworth blood drives. The blood drive committee has given me the chance to shadow a Phlebotomist. A Phlebotomist is a nurse or health trained worker in drawing venous blood for testing and/or donation. I was able to learn with a medical team.

WAY too choppy.. make it flow. it's very awkward. try this:

I have volunteered at my school's blood drives to further my insight to the health field. I even got the opportunity to shadow a Phlebotomist, (say what you did and what you saw and how it gave you insight).

KEEP IN MIND that the question asks how your UPCOMING education (at U of L) will help the community. Talk more about what YOU will do AT the school, not what you have done. and show exactly where that will bring you in the future. you are on the right track in the beginning but the blood drive part veers off track a bit.

Hope this helped.