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Professor Hoax - Nursing Student Scholarship - Why you are a qualified candidate?



Prinz18 3 / 10  
Dec 22, 2013   #1
Please give me your honest opinion. I am mostly concerned with content. I really need this scholarship. What do you think?

Write a brief essay (250 words maximum) on your goals and aspirations as they relate to your education, career, and future plans. Explain why you are a qualified candidate and should be considered for the scholarship.

I looked back at my professor wishing it was a hoax. I refreshed the webpage and rechecked my score. I shook my head in disbelief. I had failed my nursing exit exam. A retake was inevitable but my sense of pride as a "good student" was gone. I was crushed. My fighting spirit was all I had.

I am not new to failure and this, and many other failures, hasn't deterred me from achieving my goals. Coming from a family in Ghana that prides itself in hard work, I carry the hopes of a village at the mercy of preventable diseases. Having witnessed the death of many, I desire to become a Nurse. As a nurse, I will be able to help save lives through education, prevention and, counseling while providing patient centered care in the place I call home.

Currently a nursing student, I consider my passion and determination my greatest assets. I always strive to achieve my goals and it's not surprising that I am in the Honors Program with a GPA of 3.76, multiple community service hours and heavily involved on campus. My practice in the clinical setting speaks for themselves and this my clinical instructors can attest to.

Therefore, I am qualified because I possess the qualities worthy of an outstanding scholarship leader. With this scholarship, I can gain a career that I am passionate about and help save lives. Most importantly, I will be able to impact the world doing what I love.

karanbhullar 3 / 13  
Dec 22, 2013   #2
Your essay is very good and most importantly to the point. I think you'll get it.
OP Prinz18 3 / 10  
Dec 22, 2013   #3
Thanks. I really appreciate it. Do you have any other suggestions for improving grammar and improving the quality? Perhaps, any rewording perhaps? I'm open to criticism.
karanbhullar 3 / 13  
Dec 23, 2013   #4
prides itself in hard work

prides itself on hard work

prevention and, counseling

I think the comma after 'and' is not needed

it's not surprising that I am in theHonors Program with a GPA of 3.76, multiple

You should use a more subtle approach. This information will be available in your resume. If not then you can use it here.

Therefore, I am qualified because I possess the qualities worthy of an outstanding scholarship leader .

Don't tell them directly, show them like in the previous paragraph.

You should make your last paragraph a little bit more subtle otherwise it is well written. ;)
MarkStovall - / 1  
Dec 23, 2013   #5
Hi,
This is really nice essay. You wrote it as like custom research essay writers. I also have very good experience of custom research essay writers and very happy to get them. I always hire them for my essay writing assignments and always get best results in class.
admission2012 - / 475  
Dec 23, 2013   #6
My only issue with this short essay is why use any space at all to talk about failing an exam? Especially the exit exam for the career which you want to go into. This space is better used talking about actual ways you will help the community once you become fully qualified. -Admissions Advice Online


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