I put forth a lot of effort into everything that I do; "Why you deserve scholarship"

hi guys!! please help to make correction and give opinion about my essay, thanks

I believe that I am deserving of this scholarship because I put forth a lot of effort into everything that I do. I do my best in any and everything. When I set goals for myself, I do everything in my power to achieve them and if I happen to fall short of my goal then I pride myself in knowing that I did my best. My goals in life are often high. I base my goals on the quote "Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss you will land among the stars." I think that the drive I have to succeed is one, of many, reasons why I deserve this scholarship.I'm idealistic person who strongly believes that it is the sole responsibility of me to succeed in life and to contribute towards the welfare of a society. A person needs to achieve certain goals in one's life before you can call them successful. Success is to achieve goals, you have set. I have set certain goals I would like to achieve in my lifetime. Some of these goals are personal while others are professional. My professional goals in life are to find a good career that makes me happy, get a good education, and become wealthy enough to help my family and others.

I am a hard working and motivated individual with clear goals.The Bad thing about me is stuborn. I'm a stubborn person who refuses to give in so easily. I always work try my best , and persistent in whatever I do in life. I will always think of many ways to solve my problems even if it takes all night. I will make the best use of this scholarship to put towards completing my education and focusing only on making earning perfect grades.

A second reason why I believe I am worthy of this scholarship is that the career path I have chosen takes a lot of time and money. I want to become an sucessful accountant, and it will be tough for me to obtain this goal without the help of scholarships. University in itself is expensive, plus the extra time that it will take to become an accountant will add up to a great amount. However, I am determined to achieve this goal no matter how long it might take. I have dreamed of becoming an accountant too long to fall short of this goal in life.

Another reason why I feel I deserve this scholarship is because I have participated in student organization in my faculty. I have been a member of the oversight board in my student organization for two times in a row. In 2012 I received scholarship called PPA (Peningkatan Prestasi Akademik) from my university. PPA is scholarships for outstanding students in the form of academic achievement scholarship. I believe that my participation in student organization will show my strength in being a leader and well organized. I feel that the winner of this scholarship should radiate these characteristics.

Therefore, I deserve this because I contain all the qualities a scholarship leader should possess. With this scholarship, I can gain a career that I love and lead a successful happy life but still have a real effect on many other people's lives.

Constructive crit.


You've restated yourself 3 times. You need to illustrate this point somehow with an experience or something. What is a goal you have set and strived for? Use something from your other application materials so we can investigate it a little.

I've actually stopped reading half way through because you have used the term "goals" in every single sentence without advancing the conversation. This illustrates that you don't have a goal here.

Rewrite this is a personal example that illustrates your devotion to completing goals and objectives. Don't tell me you like to complete goals, because I don't believe summations. Illustrate it. I don't want to promote this, but if you're lying, that's ok if you can be creative and support something that sounds passionately real. I don't want to promote lying. You should not do that. What I'm saying is, fictional characters in fictional stories can show me these characteristics through their adventure. You, as a real person, aren't doing that here...

Rewrite.

1



... You revolve around just one main idea that is you do your best , no matter how hard it is , to achieve your goal. All these sentences give more or less the same message. I suggest you to start right from the one that I highlighted;

"Shoot at moon; Even if you miss the target you will land on a start", this famous saying serves the base for me to set my goals. ....now you can say how hard you work when pursuing your goal and all the reasons as to why you deserve this scholarship.