QuestBridge - Tell us about your proudest moment and what it says about you..

My proudest moment - for QuestBridge

My proudest moment was when I scored the highest on an Algebra II quiz in my class, my junior year. It was an open notebook quiz, however, I challenged myself to do the work without the help of my notebook to see whether I was intellectually capable of taking the class. I was very anxious, with a red hot face - and as a result, I did not want to turn in my work. I encouraged myself to be confident since it was just a test, and if I failed, I still had the chance to work harder. Consequently, as the results arrived I was very nervous to see my grade that I lost appetite the whole day till I got my score. Fortunately, I scored a hundred percent which made me relieved and extremely happy that I showed my grade to all my colleagues and my parents when they asked about it -I could not take my eyes off my paper the rest of the day.

Hi! I am not confident about this essay. Can you help me by reviewing and giving me a detailed feedback on how this essay went from your perspective, and what to change?

Thanks for reading!

Hello! When you transition between contrasting ideas, but the ideas are not big like 2 sides of an argument (eg. Many may argue that ... However,...), then you should use "but" instead of "However".

Since your story is a short one, it is reasonable enough to write it in 1 paragraph, but if you write it as a proper essay (longer, more elaborated on certain details), you have to split it into small paragraphs so that readers can follow more easily.

Cheers :)

The essay is too bland and uninteresting. It does not create an imaginative reading experience for the reviewer. It is too one dimensional in approach. To make this more interesting, you need to take the reader on the journey with you. For example, you could start with:

March 20, 2020 -- a day that will be part of my personal history forever. I will never forget my palpitating heart as I entered my school, dreading what was to come. The look on every student's face said it all. A mix of dread, fear, resignation... I probably looked the worst as I felt totally under prepared for the most important test of my year level. Taking a math test was one thing, but an Algebra test? Well..."

Hook your reader first. Use an imaginative presentation. Make us feel what you felt so we can understand why this became your proudest moment.