Prompt:
We are interested in learning more about you and the context in which you have grown up, formed your aspirations, and accomplished your academic successes. Please describe the factors and challenges that have most shaped your personal life and aspirations.
This essay is basically about how I grow up to be mature and tackle the problem without avoiding it.
Please comment on any possible suggestions/improvements and grammar errors. Especially the 3 Questbridge tips: be positive, be descriptive, and show don't tell.
---essay content---
"Cha-ching-ching-ching-a-ling"!
The tiger slot machine in front of me has given me the most pleasant sound ever.
I've won countless silver coins that are more than enough to fit into my front and back pocket while carrying it with my two hands. I can hear the clatter from the crowd around me as I claim my rewards and walked toward the cashier.
It was not until I saw the black and red chips on my dad's car in my late middle school year that I remembered this distant memory from my 1st-grade year. However, those loathful sounds are the indicator of the inevitable obstacle I have to overcome.
"Clink!"
"-------!"
It was midnight where everybody should be in deep sleep, but the sound of broken glass pierced through the night as my dad's strong anguish voices forces all the nearby houses to light up. However, through the faint moonlighting poured through the window, I can see that all my siblings were having their eyes closed. It's obvious that they were faking sleep, just like I did. I've experienced this countless times when I was a kid, but it was the first time for my siblings, who were still innocent elementary schoolers at the time, to undergo this problem. As I put my arms around my brother, I decided to be strong and responsible so I can comfort my 3 siblings.
One day in my sophomore year, I was walking shoulder to shoulder with my Japanese friend toward the cafeteria. As usual, he talked about pretty girls in our school and on Twitter as I comment on his motives. Due to the flow of the conversation, I asked
"How about your dad?"
"....My parents divorced," he answered emotionlessly after a moment of silence.
Suddenly, the chatter within the cafeteria fades away as I slowed down my pace while lowering my head. My heart was pounding, my eyes are trembling, and my mouth was half-open trying to shout out
"My parents are facing that problem too," "I'm in a similar situation as you," "What am I suppose to do?" "How did you overcome it?"
However, all these phrases were all stuck in my throat like spikes. As I stood frozen in the cafeteria entrance, he said
"Yeah right feel bad about it," while leaving me behind and walked away.
This didn't change our friendship, but instead, we became closer friends.
"---------!"
I was woken up by this voice again, but It was not until they settled down and when my dad talked to me:
"She had blacklisted everyone in the family and loaned money to China when I was having my TB treatment and when you are still in 7th grade, she had abandoned the entire family!"
I was shocked, and my face was pale as I muttered
"Just divorce already," for the first time throughout these 4 years.
I've been told countless times to pick sides, but I couldn't and stayed neutral. However, for the first time, I chose to stand on my dad's side. It was a big hit to me because opening a restaurant where every family member worked together as a whole to earn a stable income was the dream I shared with my dad, but my mom's action has given me distrust.
2 days and an hour of staring at the screen was the time I took to send out a simple message to my friend. It was first, a thought about getting out of the situation, the depression, the confusion, and the cry baby stage. However, it was the first time I took initiative for the change.
"How do you deal with your feeling when your parents are divorcing?" was my message.
"I just suck it because I hated my dad" was his reply, bold and brazen in his own way.
His reply didn't help, but it made me cried on the spot. I was able to learn that it's relief to talk to someone when bearing something heavy. Moreover, I was able to realize that I didn't help my family with the problems, but instead only cared about my own comfort as I tried to avoid facing it. After I settled down, I talked to my parents about how I and my siblings felt over the course of the issue.
"I'm sorry" was all they said. However, it was more than enough for me because it shows that they care. Moreover, I was happy to see the silhouette of my old dad, who worked hard enough to immigrant the entire family to America, behind his tired smile. That's why I made up my mind that it's my turn to show effort and support the family.
Through this obstacle, I was able to learn about the importance of friendship, initiative, and responsibility. Moreover, I was able to discover the consequences of keeping everything in, avoiding problems, and gambling.
---end---
Also, I'm wondering if the last paragraph is necessary or not.
Thanks in advance for reading!
We are interested in learning more about you and the context in which you have grown up, formed your aspirations, and accomplished your academic successes. Please describe the factors and challenges that have most shaped your personal life and aspirations.
How have these factors helped you to grow?
This essay is basically about how I grow up to be mature and tackle the problem without avoiding it.
Please comment on any possible suggestions/improvements and grammar errors. Especially the 3 Questbridge tips: be positive, be descriptive, and show don't tell.
---essay content---
"Cha-ching-ching-ching-a-ling"!
The tiger slot machine in front of me has given me the most pleasant sound ever.
I've won countless silver coins that are more than enough to fit into my front and back pocket while carrying it with my two hands. I can hear the clatter from the crowd around me as I claim my rewards and walked toward the cashier.
It was not until I saw the black and red chips on my dad's car in my late middle school year that I remembered this distant memory from my 1st-grade year. However, those loathful sounds are the indicator of the inevitable obstacle I have to overcome.
"Clink!"
"-------!"
It was midnight where everybody should be in deep sleep, but the sound of broken glass pierced through the night as my dad's strong anguish voices forces all the nearby houses to light up. However, through the faint moonlighting poured through the window, I can see that all my siblings were having their eyes closed. It's obvious that they were faking sleep, just like I did. I've experienced this countless times when I was a kid, but it was the first time for my siblings, who were still innocent elementary schoolers at the time, to undergo this problem. As I put my arms around my brother, I decided to be strong and responsible so I can comfort my 3 siblings.
One day in my sophomore year, I was walking shoulder to shoulder with my Japanese friend toward the cafeteria. As usual, he talked about pretty girls in our school and on Twitter as I comment on his motives. Due to the flow of the conversation, I asked
"How about your dad?"
"....My parents divorced," he answered emotionlessly after a moment of silence.
Suddenly, the chatter within the cafeteria fades away as I slowed down my pace while lowering my head. My heart was pounding, my eyes are trembling, and my mouth was half-open trying to shout out
"My parents are facing that problem too," "I'm in a similar situation as you," "What am I suppose to do?" "How did you overcome it?"
However, all these phrases were all stuck in my throat like spikes. As I stood frozen in the cafeteria entrance, he said
"Yeah right feel bad about it," while leaving me behind and walked away.
This didn't change our friendship, but instead, we became closer friends.
"---------!"
I was woken up by this voice again, but It was not until they settled down and when my dad talked to me:
"She had blacklisted everyone in the family and loaned money to China when I was having my TB treatment and when you are still in 7th grade, she had abandoned the entire family!"
I was shocked, and my face was pale as I muttered
"Just divorce already," for the first time throughout these 4 years.
I've been told countless times to pick sides, but I couldn't and stayed neutral. However, for the first time, I chose to stand on my dad's side. It was a big hit to me because opening a restaurant where every family member worked together as a whole to earn a stable income was the dream I shared with my dad, but my mom's action has given me distrust.
2 days and an hour of staring at the screen was the time I took to send out a simple message to my friend. It was first, a thought about getting out of the situation, the depression, the confusion, and the cry baby stage. However, it was the first time I took initiative for the change.
"How do you deal with your feeling when your parents are divorcing?" was my message.
"I just suck it because I hated my dad" was his reply, bold and brazen in his own way.
His reply didn't help, but it made me cried on the spot. I was able to learn that it's relief to talk to someone when bearing something heavy. Moreover, I was able to realize that I didn't help my family with the problems, but instead only cared about my own comfort as I tried to avoid facing it. After I settled down, I talked to my parents about how I and my siblings felt over the course of the issue.
"I'm sorry" was all they said. However, it was more than enough for me because it shows that they care. Moreover, I was happy to see the silhouette of my old dad, who worked hard enough to immigrant the entire family to America, behind his tired smile. That's why I made up my mind that it's my turn to show effort and support the family.
Through this obstacle, I was able to learn about the importance of friendship, initiative, and responsibility. Moreover, I was able to discover the consequences of keeping everything in, avoiding problems, and gambling.
---end---
Also, I'm wondering if the last paragraph is necessary or not.
Thanks in advance for reading!
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