Remaining in the same company rather than job switching?

JOB HOPPING

Some people work for the same organisation all their working life.Others think that it is better to work with different organisations.
Discuss both views and give your own opinion?

Work ethics has been a multifaceted issue since the stem of the industrial revolution. Probably, while some stick on to their job and earn their demands on pay and position, there are a significant amount of job hoppers aiming to reap quicker benefits who would be outrun in the longer stretch by the former. Here the term benefit is important as it can profoundly influence the career decisions. But which one yields fruit the best way? This can only be answered by weighing perks and detrimental effects on both sides.

Firstly, people switching career would obviously be attracted by initial salary hikes offered by other companies. These initial perks may be irresistible but further salary increment might not prove quite impressive at the end of the day. On top of it, promotions might not be easier as older employees in the new company may have a higher say. For example, my sister, who worked as a software engineer, got a job offer at a major company to which she readily accepted due to higher pay. She was puzzled to find herself in the same designation after 2 years though due to corporate policy termed 'In-house experienced first'.

On the other hand, people staying in the same organisation are valued seniors in their job with rich experience. On top of that, they are equipped with better remedies to commonly faced issues and better client relationship with existing clients. it is seen that hefty rewards are not provided in a small increment but its spiked with a promotion of job. Consequently, in the long run, this proves to be a much more efficient strategy.

To conclude, it is agreed that remaining in the same company rather than job switching is prosperous due to perks of former being far outweighed by the latter in the context of financial and socio-ethical aspects. Therefore a need for career change must be carefully analysed with other serious aspects rather than mere issues when one plans to do so.

Probably, while some stick on to their job ...
This sentence sounds awkward and can probably be considered a run-on sentence. I would change it up a little to something like:
While some stick on to their job, earning their demands on pay and position, there are many job hoppers aiming to reap quicker benefit.
Lastly, you probably could use your own opinion on the question in thesis, as well as include it in the conclusion

@vakkomvishnu
This is a great draft I must say,
you didn't say anything about your word limit though,
I think you could have also find a way to talk about job retention how some companies have retained talent even with the spikes in hopping

Vishnu, your approach to the discussion is improper. The most significant improper presentation in your essay is the opening statement. You created your own prompt requirement with which to discuss the essay rather than discussing the essay based upon the original requirements. Look at the differences in approach which show the mistake on your part.

Discussion Instruction: Discuss both views and give your own opinion
Your Instruction: This can only be answered by weighing perks and detrimental effects on both sides.

There is the mistake. Rather than discussing both points of view as originally provided and then presenting your opinion, you chose to weigh the perks and detrimental effects instead. The difference in the discussion topics are as clear as night is different from day. Therefore, this essay will receive a failing mark in the Task accuracy portion of the test. Which will make it extremely difficult for you to pass the remaining 3 criteria in order to scrape a somewhat passing score together in the end. The correct prompt paraphrase?

There are some people who prefer to stay and work for the same company until they retire. Others, prefer to move from company to company because of the perceived benefits of doing so. In this essay, I will discuss the validity of each point of view before presenting my personal opinion on the matter.

Your opening paraphrase obviously does not follow the required format and formula for the presentation. Hence, the failing score in the TA section and lowered scores in the C&C sections.

Your second paragraph, should have been divided into to sections. The first is the discussion about why people might be more interested in changing jobs often. Then, your personal opinion would have been based on the story of your sister changing jobs. The reference to the "In house experienced first" lacks additional explanation in order to clarify its relation to the previous sentences. This sentence should have been presented before you said that your sister accepted the higher payment job offer. That way the reason for that statement is clearer and also connects better with the whole paragraph presentation.

Done in the aforementioned manner would have resulted in a properly formatted 3 body of paragraphs that represent a clear discussion of the two points of view and your personal opinion. At the moment, the format of the essay is confusing and not in accordance with the exam requirements.